Isn't it ironical that even though we can control the temperature of our oven or dim our lights in the sitting room for a more romantic ambiance, we cannot control the course of events in our lives no matter how hard we try?
A family member dies. A close friend moves away. The government imposes a new law. One loses his job ....etc. In such situations, despair can set in when we feel that there is simply nothing we can do to make things better and there is no way we can change the motion of events. Fate calls the shots.
Things come to a head when even though we adopt a new approach or try our level best, nothing ever seems to work.
Then we try and we try to reach our goal until we fear trying again.
But why? Why don't we persist?
It is because we are afraid of being hurt. Being disappointed. The sirens ring in our head and then we escape to avoid pain. After a few rounds of disappointment, one may reach indifference and stop crying. Feelings disappear as one numbs himself/herself in denial or suppressed emotions.
Would it be wrong to say we actually lull our minds to believe that we are helpless?
We must not do that. We are NOT helpless and we can make things happen. All we need is a change in our perception of ourselves, people and situations and also change our ineffective actions to efficient ones.
Thomas Edison once said, 'I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.'
No surprise then that he succeeded in developing many devices that greatly influenced people all over the world. In fact, Edison is considered the most prolific inventors in history holding 1093 U.S. patents to his name and many others in United Kingdom, France and Germany.
Thus for a start, we must get rid of the belief that we are hopeless and cannot do anything.
I hold one basic maxim now which is in direct opposition to my previous maxim.
In the past, I used to look back and regret. Now, I reinforce the principle that my past does not equal my future.
What matters is not yesterday but what I can do now. I now focus on what I can do today to make things better.....instead of fretting about why is it so bad.
Persistence. I have learnt to decide on what is most important to me and to make myself better even when things don't look as if they are falling into place. I remind myself that my time on earth is not permanent. And that bad times will pass. And to overcome, I must not think that there is no solution. Neither are there failures unless we groom ourselves in that direction.
Problems and circumstances must never get in the way....
Success can be obtained from good judgement which is the result of experience, which ironically, is often the result of bad judgement.
Thus for the turn around in life....strive to make things better by learning from our mistakes and then we can succeed in what we want to do. It is our decisions and not the conditions of our lives that determine our destiny. Turn around now. Me - I am still turning....
4 comments to THE TURN AROUND
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Unknown Ah Dr. Saravanan,
You kena tipu :-). I wrote the post in the wee hours of the morning and scheduled for it to be posted because if i had posted it then, I would get few readers :-> at that unearthly hour.
Thanks for sharing Rosenberg's Self-esteem scale.
The psycholanalytic theory was actually propogated by Freud, am I right? Which angle do you prefer? Freud's or Rosenberg's? It would be interesting to hear from you, especially from a medical perspective.
Hopefully, you can share with us :-).
Onan academic level, I could never quite decide which one has the stronger influence in my life!
cheers
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Doc Hahaha!,
you surely got me there Paula. It slipped my mind that you post your posting weeks ahead. Age is catching up i guess.
Paula, you've done psychology too right? What psychology did you do?
Psychoanalysis is a very extensive and complicated subject. Freud (who i think was a very sexually pre occupied fellow :))is the father of psychoanalysis and almost all his literatures linked the human psych to sexuality and sexual energy and everything else sexual. His literatures were the pillars of foundation for psychoanalysis and psychology as a whole. There were many prominant experts in the field of psychology during the freudian era but all their findings and contradictions were intially based on Freud's findings.
You are right though. There are many school of thoughts in psychology. But if one was to trace back the routes of these school of thoughts, they would most definitely stumble upon some freudian element in all of them.
The Freudian psychoanalytical theories underwent numerous inclusions, exclusions, deletions and other modifactions. It gradually evolved into two separate subdivisions, psychoanalysis and pschotherapy. This subdivision is also another subject for debate as there are two school of thought on it as well.
So, freud is actually everywhere in psychoanalysis and we can't escape him. Even the id, ego & superego psych apparatus is from Freud's "structural theory".
Discussions on Psychology and metapsychology are very interesting and at the same time they can very well drive you up the wall too.
cheers
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Unknown hi Dr. Saravanan,
I did Social Psychology and Criminal Psychology. Then I taught Freudian psycholanalysis in my Sociology classes and it is one topic that i hate cos many cannot understand it haha ...
Even typing it now reminds me of the ordeal I went through both as a student and as a lecturer.
Take care...
cheers
Doc A very sobering article Paula. I can only imagine your state of mind writing this piece at 8:30 AM. Something tells me that it was not just coincidence that this happened to be your first posting after getting out of bed today.
While it is good to be optimistic about life and it is vital for a human being to posses and maintain a certain level of self confidence, it is equally important to understand some basic psych of the human mind:
Self Esteem:
The most broad and frequently cited definition of self-esteem in psychology is Rosenberg's (1965), who described it as a favorable or unfavorable attitude toward the self.
This refers to an individual's sense of his or her value or worth, or the extent to which a person values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself (Blascovich & Tomaka, 1991).
You can asses your self esteem using the Rosenberg's" Self-Esteem Scale.
Ego:
In psychoanalytic theory, ego is one of the three major divisions in the model of the psychic apparatus, the others being the instinctual drive (id) and the superego.
The ego represents the sum of certain mental mechanisms, such as perception and memory, and specific defense mechanisms. It serves to mediate between the demands of primitive id, of internalized parental and social prohibitions (the superego), and of reality. The compromises between these forces achieved by the ego tend to resolve intrapsychic conflict and serve an adaptive and executive function. Psychiatric usage of the term should not be confused with common usage, which connotes self-love or selfishness.
From the above we can see that it is vital for a person to posses and maintain a steady state of high self esteem because when stressors appear in your life and alters or damages your self esteem, the human psych puts into into play certain defense mechanisms such as the ego to protect and to keep your self esteem and your emotional state in balance (in the steady state). This is a very valuable damage control mechanism that all humans posses. It helps us to cope, adapt and overcome problems and conflicts.
In short,
a) if you posses a predominantly low self esteem, then the body and mind will interprate that as your steady state, and your defense mechanisms will try to maintain your esteem at the steady state, which in this case is low self esteem.
b)if you predominantly posses a high self esteem, then that would be the staedy state. And the defense mechanisms will try to maintain the steady state of high self esteem.
Sorry for this extensive comment Paula but i just could help being a ke poh chee. My defense mechanisms came into play. Hehehe!
cheers