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Do you find that a lot of your negative thoughts begin with the words “What-if?” Does one anxious thought lead to another and another - only to become a negative spiral of worry? When this happens, you’re probably using what-if thinking. WHAT IS “WHAT-IF” THINKING? What-if thinking occurs when you make negative predictions about the future, usually starting with the words “What if?” Most of us can relate to this situation of what-if thinking.

Imagine you are running a few minutes late to work. The first thought that pops into your head is: “What if I’m late for my nine o’ clock meeting?” But your thoughts don’t stop there. Your negative thoughts start snowballing. “What if I walk in late and everyone looks at me? What if I get nervous, start sweating, and feel embarrassed? What if my boss notices I can’t handle it and I lose my job? What if I can’t afford to feed my family?” Your body responds with a host of symptoms - your heart races, it’s tough to breathe, and there’s a huge knot in your stomach.

Personally, I realize that when we use what-if thinking, one negative prediction usually leads to another, and another, and another. This negative chain has a snowball effect that leads to intense feelings of anxiety, loss of control, and physical symptoms.

Sigh. I experienced it so often when I was young and now that I am much older, I hear a lot of ‘what if’ statements from younger friends (not that I am an ageist).

WHAT YOU CAN DO

I strongly believe that all of us have the power to change our thoughts. When we change our thoughts, it will affect how our body and mind feel and react and that will change our reality!

So how can we do that? Remember the 3Rs.

1) RECOGNIZE.

Keep a small notepad with you. Each time you notice yourself thinking a what-if thought, write it down. Writing things down helps you to slow down and expose habitual negative thoughts to the light of day. If you don’t take the time to write down your what-if thoughts, it’s easy to miss them because you are so used to them.

The Onion Analogy

One of the things that I hate most when cooking is peeling onions. When doing that arduous task, I always think of lessons that I can learn from that ordeal just so to distract myself from the pain in my eyes. Here’s one of them.

Just as we peel the skin off onions, we should peel off layer after layer of negative thoughts and reach the core negative belief.

Here’s how it works.

When you are in a fairly relaxed mood, take out your notepad and open it up to the first what-if thought. Read the thought and then ask yourself: “And what if that did happen? Then what would happen?” Write down your answer. Repeat this process of digging deeper several times, each time asking “And what if that did happen? Then what would happen?” and writing down your answer. After several layers you will reach your core belief - the belief that is at the root of your fears.

In our working life, core belief could be: “If I can’t feed my family, my wife and kids will be disappointed in me. They’ll leave me and I’ll be all alone.” Our real fear - what is driving our what-if thoughts - is our fear of being rejected, unloved, and all alone if we disappoint the people we love. That’s the belief that we needs to replace in order to beat the what-if blues. Our worry about arriving a few minutes late to the meeting will fade once we address this core issue.

2) REPLACE.

Once you’ve pinpointed the core negative belief, decide what your new belief will be. Adjust the old belief so that it promotes your well being and reflects the reality you want to create. When creating your new belief, make sure to: — use the present tense — use “I statements” — focus on what you want (not what you don’t want).

“I am worthy of love, even when I disappoint others.” — “I am loved for who I am, not how much I earn. I love my family and we will get through life’s challenges together.” — “Since I am human, I will disappoint the people I love occasionally. I can be imperfect and still receive love.” When you notice yourself using a what-if thought, stop it in its tracks.

3) REINFORCE.

Once you have chosen your new belief, reinforce it several times a day. Say the new belief with feeling. Believe that it is true, even if only for a moment. Think it. Say it aloud. Write it down. Just like any other habit, the more you practice, the sooner it will become second nature to you. Making the new belief a part of your life takes time and consistent practice, but the results are worth it. You chase away the what-if blues and the physical symptoms that go along with it. And even better, you change the way you look at life!

What if….the only what if you should be asking is “What if I do not change my what if attitude?” so make an effort like I am doing to say “I will…or I can..” etc. to look at life and people in a more positive manner. It takes a lot of effort to let go of ‘what if’ and to grasp and cherish what we have. But sometimes, we may not want to stop asking ‘What if’ questions when we cannot let go.

But we have to. Just let it go.