He inquired, “Where have you been?”
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it.. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”
God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”
“That’s Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled, “There’s another Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I put there.”
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Another new illness to watch out for… Anal Glaucoma
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
“What’s the matter?” he asks.
“I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice.
“What the hell is anal glaucoma?”
“I can’t see my ass coming into work today.”
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WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
An old man went to the mall to do some shopping, when he decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court. Sitting next to him was a teenager with spiked hair in all different colours: green, blue, red and orange.
With no expression on his face, he continued to stare in amazement at the colourful teenager who was beginning to resent the old man glare.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, ‘What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?’
Without batting an eye, the old man responded: ‘Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.’
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Julie comes home and tells her husband, Rick ,”Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” Rick asks, “What happened?”
Julie replies, “Gail referred me to a hypnotist and he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself, and repeat:
“I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache.”
Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.”
“Well, that is wonderful.” proclaims Rick.
Julie then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”
Reluctantly, Rick agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, Rick comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up Julie and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her down on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before..
Julie says, “WOW! - that was wonderful!”
Rick’s says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back, and round two is even better than the first time.
Julie sits up and her head is spinning. “OH, MY GOD!” she proclaims.
Rick again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
With that, he goes back into the bathroom.
This time, Julie quietly follows him into the bathroom. She sees him staring into the mirror and saying…
“She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife.”
His funeral service will be held Saturday.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND DEAR READER!
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