masterwordsmith-unplugged

Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman who fell madly in love, married and lived happily ever after. A typical fairy tale, from beginning to end, correct? The part often left out is the part about raising a family. Think for a moment what would happen if this part were added to the story: Would the king and queen live happily ever after?

Let’s look at this fairy tale, from the beginning. When you met your spouse, you may not have been sure if you had met your soul mate. Chances are you played some games, fought, broke up, made-up… In other words, you courted each other. If you were one of the lucky ones, you bypassed some of these unpleasant stages. But for the most part, this good times/bad times process strengthens and defines your relationship.

So, you decided to get married. Of course, you knew to discuss certain things before going to the altar. Experts tell us to make sure we talk about finances, children, religion, and family, among many other crucial topics. But it’s hard enough to decide to marry someone. Do you really want to go through the list of other “stuff”? No, you feel you already know your partner. Of course, you think, you are compatible.

The wedding day arrives. You say your vows, exchange a passionate kiss, trade rings, throw a bouquet – and now the fairy tale begins. The first dance together as man and wife, holding each other close, brings a commitment to always keep the torch of love glowing.

The honeymoon could not have been better. The sense of freedom, love, excitement and anticipation, of what is yet to come is alive and has entered your aura. You return home and fill your house with the warmth of love. Being newlyweds is fun. You cook together. You share laughs. You grow from the security of a healthy relationship. This is the way it should be, like magic. If it isn’t magical at this stage, then the story might not end with happily-ever-after.

Fast forward ahead a few chapters. You are both working, still enjoying your life together. The romance is there, but you have to admit, it has faltered a bit. Your spouse has some habits that may have been cute before, but now seem more like an annoyance. Your husband or wife used to be neat, and help out with the chores and shopping. These days, you tolerate some of these things and argue over others. The situation is not perfect, but it’s working out. If you start a new chapter, you figure, then all of this will be behind you.

Starting a family should move us forward, you think. After all, the story we’re telling says we will live happily-ever-after. You wait and endure what you must for nine months, and at last, your baby has arrived. Nothing compares to the feeling of holding a child for the first time. It is amazing. Your love has been revitalized. It worked. This new chapter has made you forget the last one where your spouse drove you crazy!

After many sleepless nights, feedings, dirty diapers and crying, the realty sets in. You can no longer close the book and start over. This is real and there is no turning back to being like newlyweds. The best part is you are so busy with the baby that your spouse’s habits are not as annoying any more.

Your palace now is full of toys, soiled carpets, foul orders and loud noises. Aside from the bad, there is plenty of good. It is so much fun to watch your toddler grow, learn new words, have play dates and read fairy tales. This is the time when your child depends on you physically and emotionally and that makes you feel needed and loved.

Time goes by and now the school years begin. Here you now deal with friends, homework, and attitude. Not only are you busy with that, but you have sports and outside activities as well. All the time, you’re feeling the happily ever after is so far away.

It is usually at this part of the fairy tale that the test comes in. Will the king and queen stay together? All these changes in the kingdom have weighed heavily on their relationship. Why can’t everything be fun and loving like the first few chapters? You can never be prepared for what adventures await raising a family. The only preparation you can have is committing to one another to do whatever it takes to raise this child together.

The test that you need to pass will require a lot of effort and patience. When you feel like quitting, reflect back to the vows to always love each other through thick and thin. This may not be easy to do through the kids fighting, the cluttered house, video games echoing and your child texting. Regardless of your distractions, your little princes and princesses need to live in a strong kingdom that helps to guide and protect them from evil while providing them with love and security. If they receive this, then they will be able to carry this forward into their own fairy tale.

Parenting is the hardest job you will do, but most rewarding. There are many times you question your ability, wondering if you are doing the right thing. However, when your child does well in school, becomes independent, cleans their room without being asked, you will feel a sense of accomplishment. It may be small but it feels good. Always look for those little things your child does that will feed your soul and help you carry on.

The next several chapters may appear to be the same. However, each age your child turns brings an exciting challenging time where you just cannot believe you can love someone that much. So even though the chapters read similar in some matters, in others, the feelings, emotions and passion just keeps getting stronger. If you get discouraged, try to love each special unique moment, knowing you will never pass through this time again.

I hope you decide to continue living your fairy tale together even though it may not appear to be exciting. Place no room in your kingdom for regret or quitting. Your child will leave someday and your castle will become quieter, cleaner and less chaotic. Then you and your spouse will rekindle all those exciting feelings from your earlier chapters while feeling proud of the child you raised together. This is the part of the story that comes back to you, oh yes, there is a happily ever after.

Strong marriages equal strong families.

Author's Bio
Anne Putnam CPA, mother of two, left the work force 10 years ago to raise her young family. Her belief in the importance of a strong family unit led her to start The Family Connection company and to invent The Family Vacation Game. The game is designed to teach children budgeting, how spending impacts family funds, positive/negative choices which affect family unity and how to work together as a family. To learn more about the company and the game, go to thefamilyconnection.info.