masterwordsmith-unplugged

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or students ... here is something to make you chuckle.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was, "Don't."

"Don't what ?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit ? We have forbidden fruit ? Hey, Eve ... we have forbidden fruit !"

"No way !"

"Yes, way !"

"Do NOT eat the fruit !" said God.

"Why ?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so !" God replied, (wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and was He ticked !

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ?" God, as our first parent, asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it !" Adam said,

"Did not !"

"Did too !"

"DID NOT !"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

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Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."

The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"

"Yes father, it is I."

"Who was the woman you were with?"

"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."

The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"No father."

"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"

"No father."

"Was it Ann Brown?"

"No father, I cannot tell you."

The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."

Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."

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In an ancient monastery in a faraway place, a new monk arrived to join his brothers in copying books and scrolls in the monastery's scriptorium. He was assigned as a rubricator on copies of books that had already been copied by hand.

One day he, asked Father Florian, "Does not the copying by hand of other copies allow for chances of error? How do we know we are not copying the mistakes of someone else? Are they ever checked against the original?"

Father Florian is set back a bit by the obvious logical observation of this youthful monk. "A very good point, my son. I will take one of the latest books down to the vault and compare it against the original."

Father Florian went down to the secured vault and began his verification.

After a day had passed, the monks began to worry and went down looking for the old priest. They were sure something must have happened. As they approached the vault, they heard sobbing and crying. When they opened the door, they found Father Florian sobbing over the new copy and the original ancient book, both of which opened before him on the table. It was obvious to all that the poor man had been crying his old heart out for a long time.

What is the problem, Reverend Father?" asked one of the monks.

"Oh my," sobbed the priest, "the word is 'celebrate'!"

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A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!"

The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."

Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again.

He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle.

With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cuz "God will grant him a miracle."

With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God.

He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down."

St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter."
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