masterwordsmith-unplugged

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.

Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 196 years old!"
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In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist. Here is what happened:

Attorney: "Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "Did you listen to the heart?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "Did you check for breathing?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"

Coroner: "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it is possible that he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
Before going to Europe on business, a lawyer drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the lawyer said.

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the lawyer walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $20.30 in Interest", the loan officer said. The lawyer wrote out a check and started to walk away.

"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"

The lawyer smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $20.30?
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A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia. The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!"

The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:

#1, It's none of your damn business;

#2, She was my wife; and.....

#3, I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"

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HAVE A NICE DAY!

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