masterwordsmith-unplugged

I confess - I had a mom who was obsessed with perfectionism and a dad who was a professional perfectionist. So what happened? I was the ultimate perfectionist and it nearly drove everyone around me crazy till I dealt with it in constructive ways and learnt to understand the roots of my perfectionist nature when I read David Seamands' book called "Healing for Damaged Emotions".

If put under control, perfectionism can be an added advantage in the pursuit of excellence and mastery. If one does not deal with it, perfectionism can lead to unhealthy obsessions or chronic dissatisfaction which can mar creative imagination, prevent us fro establishing and enjoying healthy relationships and gaining life satisfaction.

One of the most famous perfectionists in modern society is Martha Stewart. She calls herself "a maniacal perfectionist," and says that the best benefit is the fact that with it, she found her company and enjoyed her success.

Seriously, if not for perfectionism, we all would be deprived of human activities that many regard as extraordinary, excellent, outstanding or great as seen in modern inventions, gadgets etc.

But it does not always have to be perfect.

An unhealthy drive for perfectionism can drive ourselves and others insane!!! As a rehabilitated perfectionist, I can safely vouch that most perfectionists really care about what they do and really want it to be right, and won't quit unless it is absolutely necessary.

I think the root problem is that many perfectionists do not accept themselves. I used to have very low self-esteem and eventually found my way out of it and when on the road to self-actualization. I realized that when I could accept imperfections in myself, I could do the same for others and for life. Now, older and wiser, I guess that the beauty of the experience of imperfection is that we get to feel in life. Nothing can be perfect. If it were perfect, it would not be real or natural. Somehow, crazy as it may sound, don't you think that imperfection has a very human quality?

Years ago, at a book sale, I managed to buy "Never Good Enough," by Monica Ramirez Basco, Ph.D. She postulates that when you think you fail to meet standards and feel down because you are being criticized by others, or cannot convince others to work together for common good, you can end up punishing both yourself and others with an onslaught of negative attitudes and emotions.

This expert then moves on to discuss how cognitive-behavioral methods can control the distress associated with perfection and how to deal with the associated problems.

Common perfectionist lines include "If I make a mistake, it will be horrible"; "I must be perfect or others will disapprove of me" and "If I do it perfectly, then everyone will notice."

Of course some situations may warrant such attitudes but if we believe that only when we are perfect can we gain approval, then we are on the road to destruction. I believe that we have to be in tune with ourselves to know how we feel, what drives us and whether we drive others and ourselves crazy when driven wrongly with warped ideas. Being a perfectionist is very stressful so we have to control our emotions and our zeal for perfectionist.

One of the worst periods of my perfectionism was in the early years of my teaching career and when I was struggling through the first five years to bring up my older boy. At one stage, I was so adamant that there be no missing pieces of his lego or his toys. Little did I know that my older boy had this habit of throwing things into the tv cabinet (the old type where the tv was encased in a wooden cabinet) and I almost drove my husband and myself crazy as I would count the number of Lego pieces and itemise everything. I would search for the missing pieces and would be upset if I failed in my mission. Gosh - I think I was totally unbearable in the late 1980's to 1997.

Don't worry. I am almost normal now having mellowed through the years and have became human. Just last night, when I was skyping with another former student, she was telling me how I had chilled so much in the last seven years and I could not agree more.

These days, I realize that hey - it does not have to be perfect and guess what?

With that, life seems more perfect these days and heck - I have not been happier!!!







Have a nice day folks!!