With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?", one of them asked.
Mother: "Not yet. I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Another half hour passed before another relative asked:"May we see the new baby now?"
Mother: "No, not yet."
A while later and again, the guests asked: "May we see the baby now?"
Mother: "No, not yet."
Growing impatient, they asked: "Well, when can we see the baby?"
Mother: "When it cries!"
"When it cries?" they gasped. "Why do we have to wait until it cries?"
Mother: "Because I forgot where I put it..."
The Nun Decorators
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
The one nun says to the other:
"Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door.
They ask: - "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in.
The man walks in, does a double take and says - "Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
The Soldier and the Nun
A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath, he asked: Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes? I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed.
A moment later, two Military Police came running along and asked: - "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?"
Nun: "He went that way."
After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt.
Soldier: "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see, I don't want to go to Iraq ."
Nun: "I think I can fully understand your fear."
Soldier: "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent but you have a great pair of legs!"
Nun: "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Iraq either..."
Have a nice day dear reader!
14 comments to JOKES FOR A BRAND NEW DAY
-
Richard Cranium You don't happen to know a certain Freddy K chap who's a banker staying in Ara D, do you?
-
Unknown You are welcome, Cat-in-Sydney, hehehe did you smack naughty Brad for me?
-
Unknown Hi Richard,
I am sorry...I do not know Freddy K the banker...
If I remember correctly, a few of these jokes were sent to me by Freddie A from Penang...what a coincidence!
Have a nice day!
-
Richard Cranium Thanks for replying. Sorry, my bad. Just that I know a certain Freddy who also sends the same jokes out as well. You also attribute some jokes to a Freddy(ie) as well.
Since you both share the same surname, I sorta thought you know each other.
No probs.
-
Cat-from-Sydney Hey Aunty Paula, how come the whale pix is back? I didn't smack Brad, he's such a darling nowadays. Perhaps being left for long by Mama made him think hard. purrr purrr purrr....
-
Unknown Hi Richard
No worries...If you do have great jokes...do send them to me. I have been longing to see your blog lol...er...but it is only for invited readers *hint*....:-)
My e-mail is cocklesofmyheart@gmail.com
Take care and have a great week!
-
Unknown Hi Cat-in-Sydney
Ah - the whale used to be my logo before it was replaced by my pic. Due to certain reasons, I decided to remove almost all my pics from cyberspace. Besides, the whale will also remind me of the need to lose weight lol!
Take care and since Brad has been behaving himself, a big hug for him and Angelina....and your mama too!
Salam
-
Red Alfa You belled - jokes come and get it! Heard it from afar and made a bee-line to here. Will come again if you bell! Till then, thanks.
-
Unknown Hi Red Alfa
Glad to see you again...I usually post lighthearted/humorous stuff at 11 a.m. Do check the older posts.
You are most welcome.
Er...actually, I am a mad hatter in real life :-).
Take care and best wishes to you and yours.
-
Anonymous Yayy!yayy!yayy! *Andrea rushing in to check out Paula's latest jokes and almost tripping over Paula's whale*
Am not sure which one I love best today, they are ALL very good. OK.. I love the blind man joke best. That one, I'm gonna commit to my blackberry for the week *laughs* Thanks Paula, you're a gem!
-
Unknown LOL!!! You are so cute, my dear...I actually imagined the whole scene of the blind man LOL!!!! You are most welcome and am glad you had lots of laughs. Hope you saw the witty complaints thingy that I posted yesterday!
Take care and keep smiling!
-
Anonymous What witty complaints thingy? Oh ok.. will trot there now. You post so many in a day that I tend to miss them. That is why I normally visit your blog over the weekend and read all the posts for the week at one shot just in case I miss something. Thanks.
-
Unknown Hi Andrea
By the time I published your comment, you had already found the witty complaints post hehehe...
Actually, I used to do 4-5 posts a day but now I only do 3...6am, 11am (jokes and lighthearted posts) and 6pm hehe...Saner and more human now.
Thanks for stopping by and for reading my posts. I love your posts too and so does Nick!
Have a great day!
Cat-from-Sydney Hahahah...Aunty Paula, thanks for lighting up my Tuesday!