It is very difficult to be real in a cruel world. In fact, it involves conscious, courageous effort to be sincere and to let people know who we are. I have always found it a painful challenge to recognize deceptions and pretenses in people whom I regard as friends and to be able to maintain my own desire to be an authentic person. The more we hold on to integrity, the greater our willingness to be authentic. I firmly believe that when we are real persons who do not hide behind masks or a different persona, our life experiences will be deepened and the legacy that we leave behind will be one that will be remembered. But it is not that easy for few dare to be real for fear of being hurt or for other reasons known to themselves.
In all my courses, I used to tell my students to be completely honest with me to disclose the actual reason why they could not meet deadlines and I never bust them when they admit their laziness :-) even though I am a tough taskmaster. I would rather they tell me the truth than a whole string of lies. When we dare to reveal who we are, we will stand out as we become uniquely who we are. So often, people tend to pretend to be someone else, or they may be even afraid to tell the truth straight to our faces. Strangely, some may have no qualms about telling the same thing to others behind their backs! Hypocrisy undermines integrity, so do lies.
We all know that most religions or faiths encourage us to be honest with ourselves and with those around us that we might be genuine persons. However, the desire to be real has to be there for otherwise, with the pressure to conform, we might produce conditioned behavior at the expense of honest realization of self.
Basically, we have to be honest with who we are and our desires for life experiences because all other behavior patterns would flow from there. Once our life goals are established, we have to believe in ourselves and then accept our lot in life so to speak. With no direction or intention, some might be living their lives according to the dictates of others rather than for ourselves.
As a former teacher, I always believe that we have to live a life of distinction for three persons: ourselves, our loved ones and also those with whom we come into contact that we might be an inspiration for others. If others are not real, it does not matter. What matters is ourselves!
However, I must confess that I have been disappointed many times. There have been so many occasions when I was sincere and genuine in the way I related to a person only to find that he/she did not have similar intent. In my younger days, I used to feel deep hurt and bitterness. Older and wiser now, I move on and forgive that person. Just because someone was not sincere does not mean I reciprocate with the same. No. I will continue to live the way I believe is the right way but I will keep my distance and yet be assertive enough not to be a victim of that game of hypocrisy that I will not play.
I believe it is very important to be real and honest - as a person, as a parent/child/teacher/friend or whatever role one may have in life. With all the hard knocks in life and many disappointments that have peppered my life, I can tell who is the real person. One can see on the face, hear in the voice, and analyze in the consistency or inconsistency in a person's words and actions. To prevent ourselves from getting hurt, we have to consolidate our position - never retaliate but if needs be - withdraw a few steps and redefine the boundaries of that relationship without falling into the trap of lies or hypocrisy.
No matter how people might treat us, however insincere or hypocritical, we must continue to be real persons to others albeit from a distance ...that we ourselves demonstrate distinction in our inter-personal relationships and hopefully inspire that person to change....then perhaps the world would be a better place if change begins with ourselves.
Have a lovely evening!
8 comments to DEMONSTRATE DISTINCTION
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edward Dear Paula,
This is a real lovely post, straight from your heart. Thank you.
I too have come to realize that not all may share our feelings and perceptions in life. Even the meaning of "good friendship" may differ amongst good friends themselves. There are times when one give so much in a friendship and then be disappointed by a lack of appropriate responses. I knew that feeling and has since viewed friendship at its par value first, until I am truly touched by genuine care and concern. This usually happen at a time when one is truly down and out. Its at times like these that one finds true friendship.
I truly appreciate what you wrote especially the last 2 paragraphs. Its something I can relate to as it reflects my personal philosophy as well. I no longer feel hurt by the action of others because I feel that life is just too short to mull over them. There are other things in life that warrants our attention like the challenge of teaching our children to survive in such an imperfect world and yes, to move on and embrace life to the fullest.
Talk to you again soon.
Here's to life and all the joy it brings...
Cheers Paula,
Edward
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SFGEMS Hi MWS, I like the new look! I like the post too! Resonates with my being! Overall, nice nice nice!
Hugs for you!
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Unknown Dear Nick
Thanks for being of the same mind. It is true that the maxim of forgive and forget is different for various situations. In formal situations such as in governance, we have to be firm, assertive demonstrating integrity and a stand for our rights. If we were to be weak and feeble, habislah! They will walk all over us and the rest would be history.
You have made a very wise observation = too many are far too backward in the way they forgive and forget - choosing to emphasize the minor and forgetting the major!! Perhaps that is why we are in this political rut!
Take care, have a good rest and God bless all of us indeed.
My apologies for this late publication/response as I was entertaining blog readers from down under.
Salam
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Unknown Dear Edward
Thanks so much for your validating comment and indeed it is straight from my heart. I guess we grow wiser as we age...
I couldn't agree more with you, Edward. It is during the darkest times that true friends shine for us. Sometimes, even at my age, we invest our time and energies in the wrong people but those who prove their mettle during our adversity are of more worth than gold.
It is heartening to know that the last two paragraphs resonate with you. Similarly, what you wrote resonates with me too!
Frankly, it is only this year that I grew up!!! How embarrassing! Better late than never. I guess trials have a way of shaping us in character, endurance and perseverance. Life is too short to sweat over the small things and indeed in this cruel world, we have to be thankful for little blessings such as a friend named Edward :-).
Take care and thanks for sharing so beautifully, straight from your heart.
We are blessed indeed and we must bless others too!
Here's to you and all the wisdom and beauty you have infused into my blog and my life.
*clink*
Cheers and blessings to you, Edward.
Sincerely,
Paula
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Unknown Hi dearest Lita,
How lovely to see you again! Thanks for your encouraging and uplifting comment :-). Wonderful to know we are in synch. Take care, dear sister. Hope to see you one day.
God bless you and yours.
Hugs and much love to you!
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Anonymous Dear MWS,
Like you, i would also prefer that my students be honest with me when they have problems. Only when they bare all their shortcomings,we will be able to "guide" them to a solution...and to a better future.
And what about you, MWS?
i worry for you, because you seems to be threading on unfamiliar & precarious grounds...if you know what i mean.
" throw not sand unto others rice-bowls"....
Cheers
Fr; Hiho
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Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 2.44 a.m. aka Hiho
Good evening! Thanks so much for visiting my blog and for your concern. I am deeply touched that despite the fact that we do not know each other, you care enough to caution me as to the dangerous waters I seem to be treading.
As a 'retired' lecturer turned housewife/blogger, I must say that it is most disconcerting to stay at home and not do anything productive apart from household chores and errands. Blogging has been a very therapeutic outlet for me and I share my thoughts in written expression after thinking much about what I see, read and feel.
I have no intention to jeopardize any one's rice bowl but my intention is just to make the populace think hard and deep about issues - something that has become inner nature to me, having done that for decades with students.
A lot of what I write is off the cuff. E.g my previous post on 89k was written while I was eating breakfast and this post was written just before I went out for a dinner.
Yet, I thank you for your wise words and appreciate your good intentions. Are you still teaching?
Do keep in touch. All the best to you.
Warmest wishes,
mws
nick Hi Sis,
We do indeed live in a cruel world. A world where good guys and gals finish last (they say lah).
I also subscribe to the adage of forgive and forget BUT I have an exception.... never to forgive and to forget those who have destroyed our country and still doing so.
It's not that I'm a vengeful person but rather I hate the idea of future leaders thinking that since Malaysian are "tak apalah" (forgive) and "mudah lupa"(forget) they take for granted this Malaysian trait and abuse it (just like what's happening now).
On a personal level, forgive and forget is a good trait to have but not very wise in terms of electing our leaders. Our people need to learn to distinguish between these two context. This is so important when a wrong application of "forgive and forget" will doom our nation and it's future generation. Personally I think our society is backward in their concept of forgive and forget. They easily forgive and forget the transgression of our leaders but very spiteful and vengeful when dealing with the people around them. ( It could explain why Malaysian still voted for the same bunch of people since independence). Well that's just my opinion..anyway.
Good night and God bless us all.
Hamba.
P.s- Your new template is a bit pale for my liking lah, Sis... Can add a bit of rainbow? Something from Nippon Spa-serenity range of colors, perhaps?