masterwordsmith-unplugged

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put upa sign reading "Dr.Smith and Dr.Jones, - Psychiatry and Proctology." The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to"Hysteria's and Posteriors". This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemerrhoids". No go.

Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again.

Then came "Manic-depressives and Anal retentives" Still not good.

How about "Minds and Behinds" ? Unacceptable again.

So they tried "Lost Souls and Ass Holes" Still no go.

Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", "Freaks and Cheeks", "Loons and Moons" work either.
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finaly came up with a busines slogan they thought might be acceptable to the council,

"Dr.Smith and Dr.Jones........Odds and Ends." APPROVED!!

------------------------------------

After a British Airways Flight reached its cruising altitude the Captain announced :
Ladies and Gentlemen this your captain speaking, Welcome to flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto,we are now cruising at 35,000 feet, the weather ahead is good so we should have a quiet,uneventful flight, so sit back , relax and .......OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silence followed..........

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
Ladies and Gentlemen I'm sorry if I scared you, while I was talking to you a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee on my lap, you should see the front of my pants !!!!!!!!!

An Irish passenger at the back yelled...........

Jaysus, you should see the back of mine !

_______________________________

KIDS IN CHURCH - I posted some of these before but they are so delightful so I am reposting again....


3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed, 'And forgive us our trash baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, And I wanted to stay with you guys.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'

One bright little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,'Ryan , you be Jesus !'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.

'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, 'Did God throw him back down?'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,'Would you like to say the blessing?'

'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied..

'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered

The daughter bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'