NINETY-EIGHT YEAR OLD LADY'S LETTER TO LAWYER

Posted by Unknown On Saturday, November 21, 2009 16 comments
An elderly lady wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely. Thanks to Freddie who sent me this post. Have a nice day and do leave a comment if you so wish. Thanks.

_____________________________________________________________

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts,
assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen again to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

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Addendum from The Editor:

IMPORTANT to REMEMBER that this letter was written by a lady who is 98 years old; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!!

And, one need not be conversant with the legal aspect to pen effective words too.

Three cheers for consumerism !!!

16 comments to NINETY-EIGHT YEAR OLD LADY'S LETTER TO LAWYER

  1. says:

    1. bakarmerah what an inspired letter. . .i borrow for my blog wa ka ka

    thank you

  1. says:

    2. Unknown Hi Pug

    Please help yourself...my pleasure to share :-).

    You are most welcome!

    Cheers

  1. says:

    3. Frankie This reflects the frustration of consumers and it is even worst in our country. Lousy services with lenghty procedures.

    Btw, nice new layout MWS :)

  1. says:

    4. Unknown Hi Frankie

    Great to see you again!!! Exactly my sentiments that you have expressed here.

    Thanks for endorsing my new template. How have you been?

    Take care and all the best to you. Stay in touch ya?

    Blessings to you and yours

  1. says:

    5. Unknown The old days of brick and mortar banking are gone. Excellent lady thought of giving the bank tit-for-tat when banking now is so automated. Excellent post, MWS

  1. says:

    6. Unknown Hi Arthur

    Good morning to you! Thanks for the validating statements and encouragement. Have a good day!

    Cheers

  1. says:

    7. nick Eyes down cast and feeling shame. A senior citizen had the "golf balls" to do what most of us only dream of.
    Looks like I have to put my "golf club and a couple of balls" in storage. On second thought ...Nah!!! I love my only golf course membership too much!!! LOL!

    Have a good rest Sis. Not so much mopping ya!

    Hamba.

  1. says:

    8. Unknown Hi Nick

    Haha! Good sense of humor, my friend. Hope you can catch the other post "Head and shoulders above us all" and share your thoughts with us. Would love to hear from you.

    Have a good weekend with your loved ones.

    Salam

  1. says:

    9. Tiger Wow, love your new layout, MWS!
    Nice work!

  1. says:

    10. Unknown Hi Tiger

    Long time no see!!! Miss your wise comments, my friend. Hope all is well with you and your loved ones. Junior must be crawling now.

    Thanks for swinging by and for the encouraging comment :-).

    I love the new layout too!

    Take care, have a good weekend and please keep in touch.

    Cheers

  1. says:

    11. Anonymous I can understand the frustration of calling the bank:

    1. Press 1,2,3,4, etc.

    2. Listening to muzak for minutes while waiting for someone to talk to.

    3. The line cuts off before you can talk to a human.

    4. Whoever eventually talks to you cannot or will not help you at all.

    5. The structure of banks now is such that they are remote, hydra-headed and there is no single manager to complain to, only customer service officers who do not know you from Adam.

  1. says:

    12. Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 10.05 am,

    I share your frustration and views about the current banking system.

    We may say we have progressed in many ways but I beg to differ. In fact, I believe we have regressed to the extent that we are a pale shadow of what used to be in those glorious days!

    Take care and thanks for sharing a very candid comment. Have a good weekend!

  1. says:

    13. Jessen Tan way to go..lady! hmm..can i have a copy of the 8-pages Application Contact Status?

  1. says:

    14. Unknown Hi Jessen

    Thanks for the comment and your humor:-). Glad you like this post. Do take care and keep in touch.

    :-) You already have the document haha...

    Cheers

  1. says:

    15. Murali The writer of this letter is astounding. She is almost a century old,yet, her wit, hidden cheekiness, intelligence and the sheer fact that she has NOT allowed the spoils of life make her miserable & mopy deserves our admiration.

    Would i be as sharp & as charismatic at her tender age i wonder? :)

    Nice one Paula..

    Have a good week ahead and love the new template too!

    Warmest regards,
    Mumu

  1. says:

    16. Unknown Hi Mumu

    Indeed isn't she a lovely lady? I would definitely want to be like her if ever I reach that age.

    Have a great week, my friend and catch you real soon.

    hugs

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