CHRISTMAS DAY JOKES SPECIALLY FOR YOU

Posted by Unknown On Friday, December 25, 2009 17 comments
Dear reader, I have posted the correspondence between Barbie Babe and Santa Claus. Here's another one that will surely make you laugh out loud. Merry Christmas everyone! Take care and remember to smile a lot! Have a nice day!

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To: All North Pole Staff
Date: December 12
Subject: New "Twelve Days of Christmas" Company Policy


The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance in the season's gift distribution business. Home Shopping TV channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He and the Board could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in the reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press (gas and solid waste).

We're pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole!

Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose get red, not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of the year when they are known to be under 'executive stress'.

As for further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" music subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;

2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;

3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;

4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;

6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;

7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;

8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;

10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;

11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line;

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.


Happy Holidays everyone!

Télapó Pictures, Images and Photos

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Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like (just for laughs)


10. Hey! There's a gift!

9. Well, well, well ...

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There
are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don't like

1. "I really don't deserve this."

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Here's a video clip that Stephen, a regular blog reader, brought to my attention. (Thanks, Stephen!) A very timely message for all of us to be more human, real and caring people upholding what is real, true, honorable.



Thanks for swinging by. Have a nice day! Merry Christmas!

17 comments to CHRISTMAS DAY JOKES SPECIALLY FOR YOU

  1. says:

    Hafiz b Shukor A wonderful video clip. Thanks for sharing it with us.

    Please never be a jerk! No, never, never, never!

    Let's not have a feeling of dominance over others; we are not always better or more important than them.

  1. says:

    Anonymous Christmas is a time of joy and our hearts are filled with new hope which makes us see a better world for tomorrow.

  1. says:

    Walt Merry Christmas Paula, I am back from my cousin's funeral just in time. All is well with me, you are my dear friend, but there is no need for you to be condolent. I just did not want to tell anyone, and spoil their mood. This should be a time of joy and happiness. Hmm, with a few changes I can mak a short blog post out of this. And that will be one less worry for me.

  1. says:

    Anonymous Do not hesitate to say exactly what you feel is necessary to defend truth and justice.

    Have a nice evening.

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Saudara Hafiz

    You are welcome re the video clip which I received from Stephen.

    If each of us makes an effort to be nice to one another, the world will begin to be a better place to live in...

    And I know it begins with you and mine.

    Thanks for you wise words. Have a lovely evening and take care.

    Salam

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 1.42 p.m.

    Thanks for the timely reminder to keep our focus and hope for a brand new day...

    Take care and God bless you and yours.

    Merry Christmas.

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Walt

    My deepest sympathies to you dear friend. I thought you had gone on vacation as it has been some time since I heard from you.

    Glad to know you are back and ok.

    Take care, catch up soon and God bless you always.

    Merry Christmas!

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 7.27 p.m.

    Many thanks for your words of encouragement and exhortation to be courageous.

    May God bless you and yours during this festive season.

    Enjoy your evening and do keep in touch.

    Cheers

  1. says:

    QQ When we live with bright, pure and beautiful thoughts, great positive energy and good fortune are drawn to us.

    Have a nice evening.

  1. says:

    Anonymous *** Let It Snow ***
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
    Oh the weather outside is frightful
    But the fire is so delightful
    And since we've no place to go
    Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow .....

    Haha, how I wish it snowed in Malaysia.

    Merry Christmas!

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear QQ

    You are right, dear QQ. It is important for us to stay focused and not to be easily discouraged.

    We are what we think...

    Take care..stay happy and strong and enjoy your weekend.

    Blessings to you and yours

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Anonymous at 10.18

    How lovely it would be if it snowed in Malaysia and we could be playing with snowballs and making snowmen..

    But it is ok with roti canai, char kuay teow and mee rebus :-).

    Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you.

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Anonymous Tut tut. Such ostentatious consumption is anti-social after the financial crisis. Downsizing is the in thing this year.

    What is more appropriate is what is in this hilarious you tube video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d9X8CJkklI&feature=PlayList&p=6ED9D8EF5A40268F&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=35

    Cheers. Melly Cristmess

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 11.18 pm

    Thanks so much for that funny video clip hehe...

    Take care and merry Christmas!

    May your new year be filled with laughter, love and joy!

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Anonymous Just learn from Zorro's blog that Antares is very sick in Sg. buloh Hospital.

    Let's join hands and hope for his quick recovery.

  1. says:

    Anonymous Ha! Ha! Ha! That "12 Days of X-mas Co. Policy" is funny because the language sounds so "corporate" - like the real thing.

    My reaction to gifts I don't like? A BIG smile and "WOW!! I NEVER thought I'd get this!!" Same reaction to gifts I like :)

    Thanks for the video entertainment.

    Merry Christmas & Happy New Yr.

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 2.50 a.m.

    Thanks for the alert. I learnt abt it from Art Harun too. In fact, on Christmas Eve, I called Antares' house and mobile many times and wondered why no one picked up my call. I thought he was entertaining many visitors or perhaps had gone away for a break.

    Little did I know that he is so ill.

    Yes, we all must pray for him...He has been an inspiration to my blogging and if not for him, I would have stopped in July this year.

    Take care and thanks for being a caring blog reader.

    God bless you and yours.

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