masterwordsmith-unplugged

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar looking for me and I asked for her number.

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.
They got married, and now he is going through hell.

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
** The Engagement Ring
** The Wedding Ring
** The Suffe-Ring
** The Endu-Ring

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Wife : You delivered an excellent speech.
Hubby : Thanks dear, but the audience was full of fools & idiots.
Wife : Is that why you addressed them as your brothers & sisters?

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day.

My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them.

My other wife is beautiful.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws.

Don't forget to swing by tomorrow morning to catch Part 2. Have a nice day!