masterwordsmith-unplugged

Since many of us are probably still in a festive mood, I thought I'd put up this post about men to entertain men and women alike. Please accept my apologies if anyone is offended as my intention is to bring a smile to your face. Do leave a comment if you like. Take care and have a nice day.

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Why don't men wear tight underwear?
It cuts off circulation to the brain!

Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know."

When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, "Ohhhhhh."

Why are vibrators better than men?
Because they never screw other women, never come in drunk, and you don't have to do their laundry!

Why do men die before their wives?
They should.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

How does a man keep his youth?
By giving them money, furs and diamonds.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.

What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
Wife saying she wants to talk to him.

Why are hangovers better than men?
Hangovers will go away.

How are men and batteries different?
Batteries have a positive side.

Why is virginity like a baloon?
All it takes is one small prick and it's gone.

What is the difference between garbage and men?
Garbage gets thrown out and stays out!

How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
No one knows, the ex-wife always gets the house.

Why are men like strawberries?
Because they take a long time to mature and by the time they do most are rotten.

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.

Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.

What do UFO's and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

Why is dating like a game of cards?
Because if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

How do you confuse a man?
You don't have to - they're born that way

Why don't women like basketball players as lovers?
Because they dribble before they shoot.

What are the three types of men?
The handsome, the caring and the majority

What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.

What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking?
Slow down

What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching himself. The other is a chimpanzee.

How can you tell if your husband's dead?
Sex is the same but you get the remote.

What food describes most men?
Jerky.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
In the pages of a romance novel.

How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?

Why did they kick the man out of the airport?
He kept throwing stale bread at the plane.

What's the hardest thing to teach a man?
How to operate a waste basket.

What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.

Did you hear about the two men who went ice fishing?
They caught 200 pounds of ice, but drowned when they tried to cook it.

Then there's the jigsaw puzzle for men.
It only has one piece, And most of the time, it's missing.

Why did God create men?
She forgot to put the legs on snakes.

Why women like bidets?
Because men don't know what they are.

How do you get a man on the roof?
Tell him the beers on the house.

Do you always tell your husband when you've had an orgasm?
No way! I'm not going to call home every time!

When does a man develop a brain?
The day he gets married.

Why did the man sell his water skis?
He couldn't find a lake on a hill.

How can you tell if a man is a Male Chauvinist Pig?
He thinks "harass" is two words

Why don't men die in their sleep?
'Cuz they can't do two things at the same time.

What do you call a caring, considerate and gifted man?
A Myth.