written by Abigail Trafford, Special to the Washington Post
The American family is aging - and the institution of marriage is all shook up.
Today, the majority of families do not have young children at home, according to a population survey released last week by the U.S. Census Bureau. In the early 1960s, almost 60 percent of families had children younger than 18 living at home; that percentage has now dropped to 46 percent.
Contrast those figures with 1880, when researchers estimate that 75 percent of couples in the United States had children at home.
The demographic shift, the result of longer life spans and falling fertility rates, calls into question some basic wedding mystiques.
Till death? That was easy to promise when life expectancy was relatively short. As Thomas Detre, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburg School of Medicine once quipped: "Marriage was designed for men who went to sea at 25 and women who died in childbirth."
Today, the vast majority of women survive childbirth. Both men and women may go off to work, but they're home most nights for dinner. Death usually comes at an advanced age.
Meanwhile, there are other kinds of partings. The divorce rate approaches 50 percent of marriages - and most people who get divorced, remarry. At older ages, many men and women who are widowed also find new mates. In a life of 80 or more years, having more than one partner may become the norm.
Staying together for the sake of the children? What children? They are gone, many are raising children of their own.
For centuries, a major premise of marriage has been to reproduce and raise a next generation. It still is: The hands-on rearing of children remains a main focus of marriage. But that focus dominates only the early decades of a relationship. What is the agenda for a couple after the child-rearing stage?
"This is a massive experiment. People have to try to sustain marriage long past the time people were expected to live, long past the time of childbearing and rearing," said historian Stephanie Coontz, author of "Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy; or How Love Conquered Marriage."
The census survey, taken every year, sampled 100,000 households. The findings illustrate how much demographics have shaped destiny. Not only have women by their 40s had fewer children than their parents, but an increasing proportion of married couples are older. In 1968, less than 30 percent of married men were 55 and older. Today nearly 40 percent are that age; the percentage of married women 55 and older has increased from 22 to 33 percent.
These older, maybe wiser, men and women are pioneers in finding new ways to love in an era of longevity. In the process, they are raising the quality bar on marriage and relationships.
After the traditional tasks of child-rearing are completed, the main agenda for gray marriage is mutual satisfaction. Couples who have been together for decades have usually learned how to resolve conflicts. But that is not enough. What predicts happiness for older couples is the presence of positive elements: joy, playfulness, humor, adventure, caring, empathy and common interests, says John M. Gottman, author of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work."
For many couples, this new stage of life after the kids are grown heralds a renaissance in the relationship. They discover why they fell in love in the first place. They kick up their heels and have some fun. But others may have slipped into an empty, flat-lined marriage. Therapists agree: There is not a lot known about unhappy couples who stay together in the later decades.
Divorce is relatively rare among older couples. Why now, after all these years? Yet anecdotal evidence suggests that some men and women are starting to say: Why not? They look ahead and see they have a future, longevity's gift of time.
This article appeared on page E - 8 of the San Francisco Chronicle
-Author Unknown-
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Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love.
The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly.
To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.
His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one ugly cat!"
All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.
One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.
Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear- Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.
At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.
Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.
He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.
Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be "Ugly".
*Many times in life, we failed to care for and love those people around us. Hope that after reading this, we would show more attention to the people around us before it's too late.
* True beauty is never only surface deep. It is the inner beauty of a person's that exudes the outer beauty.
* Never judge a person by his looks, a book by its cover as all these could be deceiving. Give everyone an equal opportunity to open up to you as everybody needs a little love, care and concern.
As a primary school girl, I spent my afternoons singing songs by The Beatles, Elvis Presley and Cliff Richard. One of my favorite Beatles hits is "I Wanna Hold Your Hand".
Regular readers of this blog would know I am a hopeless romantic sentimentalist and I belong to the old school where guys have to woo the girls, the hubby has to hold wifey's hand even in front of the kids :-) *Take note Dr. Saravanan, CK Saw and Uncle John LOL!!!
To my delight, I came across this exquisite video of two loving otters in the Vancouver Aquarium. (12,279,273 viewers cannot be wrong!)
Pay special attention to the scene at 1:20 ok? Note - it is the MALE reaching out to the female!!!
What a good life they have - floating around, napping, courting, floating around...sheer bliss!!
I rest my case!!!
Enjoy the video...and please remember to hold your spouse's hand while watching it ...ah most romatico!!!
The next video, another that I love, is of a Corgi dog..Use this heartwarming video as a weapon to distract any friends, lovers or family members who may be upset with you...Whoever owns it, please can I adopt it??? Enjoy! Have a lovely evening!
The following video made its rounds in emails a couple of years ago and I stumbled upon it again because my younger boy insisted that I watch a couple of video clips ...so here it is...no insults meant ok? It is just to have some humor on a Sunday afternoon...
Hi there dear reader/blogger/friend/realtive!
It is a lovely Sunday afternoon and before I buzz off to read my Lionel Shriver's "The Post-Birthday World" which incidentally is a pale comparison to her "We need to Talk about Kevin" that won the Orange Book prize, please allow me to share with you this test which might just help you to see if you are ok *wink*.
1. What is the best description of your bookshelf right now?
a.) Three bottles of Gin and a half-eaten bowl of popcorn
b.) How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, the Twilight series
c.) A Nobel Peace Prize
2. How do you pamper yourself?
a.) Allowing yourself to cry when the lights are out and no one's home :-)
b.) Reading your favorite self-help books on productivity instead of working on your life dreams
c.) Fasting for only two weeks instead of the usual five :-)
3. If your best friend seems upset with you, and you are clueless as to how or why, what would you do?
a.) Friend?
b.) Poke her on Facebook. When she doesn't respond to that, post a gift on her wall
c.) Use this incident as a case study for your upcoming book on resolving conflicts with passive-aggressive people
4.) Which of the following best describes your exercise routine?
a.) Eye twitches
b.) Texting on your mobile phone or playing FB Pet Society
c.) Building orphanages
5.) What are your thoughts on Nadya Suleman, the mother who just gave birth to eight octuplets?
a.) You were an unloved only child, too--so you empathize
b.) You threaten to send your kids to her new mansion if they don't start behaving RIGHT THIS MINUTE
c.) You've been away on a year-long silent retreat and you have no idea what I am talking about
6.) What do you do when you don't get along with a colleague?
a.) Get a new identity in a different state. You hate confrontation
b.) Get a new job title in a different department. You hate confrontation
c.) Reincarnate into a more loving, more empathetic being. You have clearly failed in this present life
7.) How often do you recycle?
a.) Every other significant other
b.) In secrecy, so your eco-friendly neighbors won't see that you still use plastic water bottles
c.) On your New Earth, all ego-deprived matter have transcended into One Universal Presence
And now, ladies and gentlemen - the MOMENT OF TRUTH!!!
Mostly A's: More than Wellness; YOU ARE IN NEED OF LLC!!! (Love, Light and Chocolate!)
First things first: treat yourself to a chocolate fondue at Haagen Daaz (Take note dear hubby!!!) Once you're done with that, hire someone with a soft, soothing voice to read to you Brian Vaszily's post "A Short Note For Those Feeling Sad About Anything ", followed by a multiple video viewing of a cute hamster eating organic vegetables . Hmm I can imagine my darling hamster Mishy doing just that!
Repeat for the next 30 days. You may notice that your steps will become lighter or heavier depending on how your body responds to the chocolate fondue and your eyes will sparkle with intention to go on a diet :-) (and please don't blame me!!!) but best of all, your pillow will stop smelling like Vodka-soaked tears of despair.
Mostly B's: Hey, you're doing fine but a bit of humor will keep even the smallest iota of ennui Away
You may not yet be an owner of your own yoga studio or social movement, but you smile at cute Starbucks baristas or lovely ladies and you sometimes remember to exercise. There is always room for growth but that shouldn't stop you from loving all your character flaws like a charismatically neurotic Woody Allen character or many other unforgettable characters. The bottom line is, have fun, have more fun, have even more satisfying fun! There is no point in pursuing wellness if it makes you a humorless prick. Just kidding, OK? A bit of summertime madness on a Sunday afternoon is good for the soul :-).
Mostly C's: :-) Now what shall we do with you???
Greetings, Divine Presence! We have been anxiously awaiting your arrival for many centuries. Please tell us the solution to global warming , terrorism , and passive-aggressive people. We will do anything you ask of us, except for maybe to completely give up mindless eating . That package of low-calorie,microwavable popcorn from Trader Joe's isn't just going to magically eat itself, you know what I'm saying? :-)
* I wish Maybs would come back soon and bring me Trader Joe's stuff or a month's supply of Reese or Hershey's or for anyone to get me Lindt and Sprungli's Chocolate Truffles...Geee I am just hankering for CHOCS CHOCS CHOCS and it is driving me mad!!! Anyway, have a good day dear reader...pardon my Sunday afternoon madness....:-)
Forgiveness, to me, is a word that conjures images of impossible situations that call for the seemingly impossible task to let go of hurts and disappointment.
Years ago when I was lecturing in the A-level program, I remember doing a series of lectures on Cancer. Much to my surprise, I discovered that many cancer patients had one thing in common - negative issues, anger and unforgiveness in their lives. Unforgiveness is one of the deadliest poisons a person can take spiritually. It causes everything from mental depression, to health problems such as cancer and arthritis. I'm not saying that in every single case of cancer, it is due to unforgiveness, but I am saying that it can cause cancer.
Some think they cannot forgive. We can. It is a conscious choice that we make - it is up to us to let it go, to forgive or to harbor hurts, grudges and to let it gnaw at our heart and cause problems. There are those who bear grudges against me or form negative perceptions of me based on past incidents and it does not bother me the least bit. It used to but not any more.
There are more important things in life than to gloat over petty issues and to make a mountain out of a molehill so I steer away as far as the east is from the west from such characters. I consciously choose to let it go, to forgive them, to bless them and to wish them well as I move on; in doing so, I am happier. Associating with people who share the same philosophy in life and staying as far away as possible from people who gossip, condemn, criticize, grumble, nit-pick on never-ending fault-finding missions is a healthier way to live. Fact is, it takes great courage, and a commitment of the heart, to forgive those we thought should love us and never hurt us.
I was not like this before but the challenging situations and people I encountered in the past few months taught me these lessons and gave me the strength to fortify myself, not to make stupid mistakes, not to grovel before others for acceptance or to be made the subject of condemnation/criticism but more importantly, I have learnt to hold my head high and to preserve my dignity. Instead of looking at others, I look at myself, try to discover faults and weaknesses and work to improve in those areas of weakness that I may live life to the max for those whom I love.
Boy oh boy! What a difference that has made to my life! Just as we cannot love everybody, we cannot expect everybody to love us cos we are only human! So I take the best out of life and whatever that brings me negativism, I let it go, consciously choose to leave it behind, bear no grudges and think of it no more; after all, we are all human and prone to err.
And what does that mean? Essentially, it means that the love within us can heal and let go of the hurt and pain of the past, liberating ourselves to enjoy the present and future in a greater, richer way than before. Forgiving is actually a gift we give to ourselves. Forgiving is fully a celebration of the heart because it is a wonder of wisdom, courage and love over the lesser emotions of resentment, fear, anger and self-doubt, which limit our present capacity for joy and fulfilment. We need to have a conversation on forgiving with ourselves; to touch into the experience of what forgiving could mean; to accept that sometimes, it is just not possible to forgive but we can and we have to once we recognize the value of forgiving.
Through the freedom that forgiving brings to us, we gain the capacity for greater joy, laughter and celebration. Forgiving is like a spiritual spring clean that results not only in greater peace of mind, but also in a renewal of energy, enthusiasm and appetite for living.
We are all quite like unpolished diamonds. The diamond is a gem we associate with love, beauty and endurance; a crystal which is composed of the element, carbon. In order for diamonds to form, they require extremely high pressures and temperatures, which are only found in the deep levels of the earth. Are we not diamonds in the making as we go through and overcome different challenges in life?
A polished diamond has many facets - each reflects light from a different angle. So too with forgiveness which will help us to see life from different facets and in doing so, experience life in a deeper manner.
Do you love flowers? I love roses, carnations, tulips, lavender and violets. Have you ever inhaled the scent of violets? Lately, I have associated the power of forgiveness with the violet, both in the colour and its most powerful scent - penetrating and yet gentle. Strange is it not that the violet is so small and yet the scent is so strong? That's the way it is with forgiveness - the feelings and love we need to forgive is very powerful, subtle and pure. Mark Twain once said, "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
So my wish for you dear reader is to let it go - whatever that is hurting you or whatever/whoever that has disappointed you.forgive..you can do it...and I pray you will have a wonderful day and fruitful living today and always...
Here are some beautiful quotations which helped me in my life.. God bless you, have a wonderful day with your loved ones and take care!!!
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“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”
Bryant H. McGill
“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”
Robert Muller
“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Lewis B. Smedes
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Mahatma Gandhi
“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”
Sara Paddison
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”
Thomas S. Szasz quotes (Hungarian psychiatrist and Professor of Psychiatry Emeritus at State University of New York Health Science Center in Syracuse, b.1920)
That moment inside of you where you forgive, what’s happened is the moment when you are enlightening yourself.
John-Roger
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
William Blake
The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness,
William Blake
Forgiveness is giving up the idea that the past could have had different results.
Unknown
Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.
Leo F. Buscaglia
Let us forgive each other - only then will we live in peace.
Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
Randolph Frederick Pausch[3] (October 23, 1960 – July 25, 2008) was an American professor of computer science and human-computer interaction and design at Carnegie Mellon University (CMU) in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Pausch learned that he had pancreatic cancer, a terminal illness, in September of 2006. He gave an upbeat and adage-laden lecture entitled "The Last Lecture: Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" on September 18, 2007 at Carnegie Mellon, which became a popular YouTube video and led to other media appearances. To know more about this wonderful man, please click here.
He then co-authored a book called The Last Lecture on the same theme, which became a New York Times best-seller. Pausch died of complications from pancreatic cancer on July 25, 2008. If you have not read the book, please get your hands on it and read it. And if you have not watched the video, please sit back, relax and immerse yourself in Pausch's last lecture. Be inspired! Be transformed!
May it change your life, the way it has changed the lives of many, including mine. God bless you and yours and have a nice day!
I love animals - dogs, hamsters, white mice, birds and even fish.
Right now, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that my beloved hamster, Mishy, will leave me one day. He is coping with a growth just behind his right cheek and my mornings and evenings (the times when I play with him) have been most difficult as I see him moving and playing with me in pain.
Some may say I am mad to feel so much for animals. Yea, I do. Not only for animals, but for people who matter to me. Some look down on me for I feel too much. It matters not; at least I have the capacity to feel. Some think I am mad when I tell them how much my hamster (including the departed ones) loves me and can recognize my voice, whistle or the range of sounds I make. It is terribly painful to love something or someone and then to lose that something or someone.
I used to wonder if anyone felt the way I do - whether I am weird to have this deep capacity to care, to feel, to cry....and if I am a weaker vessel because I have more emotions than others. Perhaps in the past I did not know how to handle the emotions but after all I have gone through, I can say I control my emotions and not the other way round.
So when I watched the following video(CONFIRMED TO BE TRUE BY SNOPES - CLICK HERE), I did not expect to react the way I did. But when I found out that they decided to let him return to the wild, I could only imagine the heartbreak and anguish that they had when they released him into the wild.
And me being human, forgot to consider how Christian the lion felt. Amazing. What were some of the thoughts that went through my mind? Simple. Could animals feel more than humans? You bet they do! Could they remember the goodness that people had breathed into their lives? Was that marred by a separation that went beyond their expectation? Christian must have felt abandoned by John Rendall and Ace Berg but that did not stop Christian the lion from expressing his love to them when he was reunited with them...a year later...and the subsequent reunions in the 14 year period when they visited him in Kenya. Did he blame them for 'abandoning' him? Nope.
It is 1.30a.m. now. I am still choked with so much emotion at the sight of how Christian is so exuberant in showing his unending joy at seeing John Rendall and Ace Berg again....And I only ask myself - has mankind become so alienated from himself that the capacity to give or even to accept love become so constricted/restrained that many think it is a sign of weakness to be expressive? Sad. Even pets and a lion can be unrestrained in their capacity to show love compared to the way some people are all out to attack or alienate others in different layers of society today.
So dear reader, may this video touch you and make you get in touch with your emotions...and more importantly, get in touch with someone ...Remember - John Rendell and Ace went back to see Christian over a period of 14 years until they finally lost touch!!! Gosh! FOURTEEN YEARS!!!
Today, Ace Bourke is a museum curator in Australia. John Rendall is a trustee of the George Adamson Wildlife Trust, an organization actively involved in preserving African wildlife. The organization, according to Rendall, is part of Christian's legacy. Rendall recommends the site www.WildlifeNow.com.
Full story can be read here:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-452820/Christian-lion-lived-London-living-room.html
Read about the last meeting between the guys and Christian over here...at this link in Snopes.com
Ace Bourke is the Blonde in the Khaki shirt
*** As seen on THE VIEW, ITV NEWS, SKY NEWS, FOX TV, TODAY SHOW, BRAZILS TV RECORD CHANNEL, INDIA HINDI NEWS CHANNEL, AUSTRALIAN CHANNEL NINE NEWS, CHINAS BEIJING CCTV NEWS, BBC NEWS, ABC NEWS and CBC NEWS. ***
The orphaned baby lion cub is reunited with his keepers in africa a heart warming true story.
He travelled by Bentley, ate in fine London restaurants and spent his days lounging in a furniture shop. The story of Christian the pet lion - and his eventual release into the wild - is as moving as it is incredible.
The furniture shop was on the King's Road in London. It sold tables, wardrobes, chairs and desks - but anybody peering through its plate-glass window on a Sunday might have noticed something rather more unusual.
Amid all the pine and oak, stretched out languidly on a bench, there was a lion. And it wasn't stuffed.
"Christian used to lie beside me while I did the accounts at weekends," remembers Jennifer Mary Taylor, who worked there.
"And every so often, if I'd ignored him for too long, he'd sock me across the head with one of his great big paws.
"He was very loving and affectionate - he liked to stand and put his paws on your shoulders. But he was...", she pauses. "I mean, he was a lion. Does that sound silly?"
Christian the lion (named by someone with a Biblical sense of humour) arrived in Chelsea at a time when the King's Road - home to Mick Jagger - was the very heart of the Swinging Sixties.
For a year, the Big Cat was part of it all, cruising the streets in the back of a Bentley, popping in for lunch at Casserole, a local restaurant, even posing for a Biba fashion advert.
He eventually grew too big to be kept as a pet and was taken to Kenya, where he was rehabilitated into the wild by the 'Lion Man', George Adamson (whose wife wrote Born Free).
Now, his story is to be told in a new book, written by the Australian John Rendall who, along with his friend Ace Berg, bought Christian from Harrods in 1969.
So what possessed them to buy a lion cub in the first place?
"A friend had been to the 'exotic animals' department at Harrods and announced, rather grandly, that she wanted a camel," says Rendall.
"To which the manager very coolly replied: 'One hump or two, madam?'
"Ace and I thought this was the most sophisticated repartee we'd ever heard, so we went along to check it out - and there, in a small cage, was a gorgeous little lion cub. We were shocked. We looked at each other and said something's got to be done about that."
Harrods, it turned out, was also quite keen to be rid of Christian, who had escaped one night, sneaked into the neighbouring carpet department - then in the throes of a sale of goatskin rugs - and wreaked havoc.
The store, which had acquired the cub from Ilfracombe zoo, happily agreed to part with him for 250 guineas. So began Christian's year as an urban lion.
Today, it would be unthinkable for a shop to take such a cavalier attitude towards selling exotic animals (though Harrods did, at least, provide Ace and Rendall with diet sheets).
And it is hard to imagine either the animal rights lobby or any local council condoning a shop as a suitable habitat for a lion. But, back then, no one minded at all.
Christian was given his own living quarters (and a very large kitty-litter tray, which he used unfailingly) in the basement of the appropriately named Sophistocat furniture shop.
"He had a beautiful musky smell that was very distinct," says Rendall. "But he was clean."
The vicar of the Moravian Chapel nearby was approached to allow Christian the run of the graveyard, and every day he was taken there to roar around and play football.
Once, when he was brought along to a seaside picnic, he dipped his toes reluctantly in the water and intimated with a shudder that it was disagreeably cold. But he was eventually persuaded to swim in the English Channel.
By the way John Rendal and Ace Bourke both released a book in 1972 called A LION CALLED CHRISTIAN available at Amazon.
