Please enjoy this selection of political jokes which I collected over time. Some of them may seem eerily familiar to Malaysians :-). Do leave a comment if you wish. I would love to hear from you. Take care and have a nice day.
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How the Government Works
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
The MPs said,"Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then one MP said,"How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then another MP said,"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then other MPs said,"How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Prime Minister said,"Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then the Finance Minister said,"We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
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Three Boys
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says:"Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".
The second one says:"Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says:"You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!!"
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Political Brains
A Guy walks into a store. He sees three brains on display. One is a Libertarian Brain, priced at $250. The second is a Democrat Brain, priced at $275. The third is a Republican Brain, priced at $5,000,000.
The Guy asks the sales clerk,"Man, why does the Republican brain cost so much more than the other two?"
Clerk replies,"Well, sir, that brain has never been used.
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A Story of Creation
In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.
Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part.
At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.
Then God said, "Let there be light."
Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.
The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time. God agreed, saying he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night." Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.
God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."
The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth."
Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project in six days.
Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before....
At this point, God created Hell.
It is Sunday today and I thought I'd post something light and easy. This morning, when I checked my email, I found this delightful test that Angela sent. Try this test and let me know the score if you like in the comment box. :-) We need to answer these questions as honestly as we can. Take care and have a lovely Sunday!
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Dr. Phil's test...I'm a 40. And I can vouch that the results are 100% accurate!
Below is Dr. Phil's test.
(Dr. Phil scored 55, he did this test on Oprah and she got a 38.) Some folks pay a lot of
money to find this stuff out!
Read on, this is very interesting!
Don't be overly sensitive!
The following is pretty accurate and it only takes a few minutes.
Take this test for yourself and send it on to your friends.
Place your score in the subject box if you want to forward this test to your friends
and send it back to the person who sent it to you if he/she let you know his/her score.
Don't peek, but begin the test as you scroll down and answer.
Answers are for who you are now and not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil
and paper ready.
This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and in their prospective employees.
It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to each question.
Make sure to change the subject of the email to read YOUR total.
When you are finished, forward this to friends, family, and also send it to the person who sent this to you.
Make sure to put 'YOUR' score in the subject box.
Ready?
Begin.
1.. When do you feel your best..
A) in the morning
B) during the afternoon and early evening
C ) late at night
2. You usually walk...
A) fairly fast, with long steps
B) fairly fast, with little steps
C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
D) less fast, head down
E) very slowly
3. When talking to people you....
A) stand with your arms folded
B) have your hands clasped
C) have one or both your hands on your hips
D) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
E) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair
4. When relaxing, you sit with...
A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
B) your legs crossed
C) your legs stretched out or straight
D) one leg curled under you
5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
A) big appreciated laugh
B) a laugh, but not a loud one
C) a quiet chuckle
D) a sheepish smile
6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...
A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...
A) welcome the break
B) feel extremely irritated
C) vary between these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors do you like most...
A) Red or orange
B) black
C) yellow or light blue
D) green
E) dark blue or purple
F) white
G) brown or gray
9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are....
A) stretched out on your back
B) stretched out face down on your stomach
C) on your side, slightly curled
D) with your head on one arm
E) with your head under the covers
10. You often dream that you are...
A) falling
B) fighting or struggling
C) searching for something or somebody
D) flying or floating
E) you usually have dreamless sleep
F) your dreams are always pleasant
POINTS:
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e ) 1
10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1
Now add up the total number of points.
OVER 60 POINT: Others see you as someone they should 'handle with care'. You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.
51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.
41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.
31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & ; practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.
21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively
or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think t his reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.
UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well, know that you aren't.
Now forward this to others, and put your score in the subject box of your e-mail, like this: Dr. Phil's test...I'm a 45. Have a nice day!
