Dear readers and friend, Belle (Antares' daughter) left a comment in my post called PLEASE PRAY FOR ANTARES and I thought I'd share it with you all in a post as not many may click to read that post again. Let us continue to pray for Antares and continue to believe that he will walk amongst us again. Many thanks to you all for the love, prayers, tears, visits, comments and notes for Antares.
Belle wrote at 3.21 p.m. today:
I just saw my dad and he managed to open his eyes and even smile!!!! Words can't describe how happy and relieved we are. He's got most of the tubes out and hopefully when we see him again later he won't need any tubes at all. The parasites have been wiped out and they're expecting him to be out of ICU within the next day or two. I told him that everyone is praying for him and sending him love. Thanks so much for all your healing and support. His 60th birthday on Jan 7th will be a day of celebrating his "re-birth" :)
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Take care and have a pleasant evening.
I am sure many of us are still away from work and in a very relaxed mood. Here is a selection of jokes that I hope will keep you bright and happy for the last Monday of 2009. If you are working today while many of your colleagues are away, God bless you as you hold up the fort! As for the rest who are on holiday here and there, stay safe and happy! Have a lovely day!
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It was a bitterly cold day on the golf course and the caddy was expecting a large tip from his rich Scottish client. As they neared the clubhouse, the caddy heard the words he was longing to hear, 'This is for a hot glass of whisky.' He held out his hand and a sugar cube was placed in it.
An American entered a bar and stood beside a Scotsman
'Where are you from, pal?' asked the Scotsman, after they'd chatted for a while. 'I'm from the finest country in the whole wide world,' said the American.
'Are you?' said the other. 'You have a very funny accent for a Scotsman.'
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Some say the old ones are best. You can make up your own mind with these short clean Scottish jokes
* What do you call the Scottish dentist? .............Phil McCavity.
* Ever heard about the Scotsman who washed his kilt? He couldn't do a fling with it.
* Hear about the skeleton that wore a kilt? It was Boney Prince Charlie.
* How do you know if a Scotsman is left-handed?
He keeps all his money in his right-hand pocket.
* How do you get a Scotsman to climb onto the roof of his home? Tell him that the drinks are on the house.
* A Scotsman went to England for the weekend. He took a clean shirt and a twenty pound note with him. When he arrived home he hadn't changed either of them.
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And here's something to get us into the New Year mood....
New Year's Eve Party - Phantom Guest?
Trevor's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving. During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen. He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. 'You know,' he confided to Trevor, 'I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my drive.' He continued, 'My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved, so that we can go out.'
New Year's Day Party - That Never Was?
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As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.
Hoping to keep the peace Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.
Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Nigel. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Nigel told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.
'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.'
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A Bad Dream?
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.
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This is a selection of political jokes for your reading pleasure on a Monday. Have a good laugh and keep that smile on your face. My objective is to humor and not to insult. My apologies if anyone is offended. Do leave a comment if you wish to respond to any of these jokes. Thanks. Take care and have a great day.
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CORRUPTION
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
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Praying for a Bike
A little boy wanted $100 to buy a new bike, and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read:
Dear God;
Thank you very much for the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, they deducted $95.00 for themselves.
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The Rabbit
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, filling everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
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Politics Made Simple
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Anarchy-Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Olympics-ism: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
