As requested by a dear reader Stephen, I am posting more lighthearted posts and have said goodbye to grieving. Hopefully this will make us all lighten up a bit and forget about the cares of this world, even if momentarily. Have a lovely evening, dear reader and keep safe and happy always.
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COWS, CONSTITUTIONS AND COMMANDMENTS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.
TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse!
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians!
It creates a hostile work environment!
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ALIEN ATTACK
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news."
"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."
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ADAM AND EVE
Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates.
"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.
"Adam."
"That's correct. Enter." Soon another man came along.
"Where did Adam and Eve live?"
"Eden."
That's correct. Enter." Then Mother Theresa came along.
"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"
"Mmm, that IS a hard one."
"Enter."
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ACTUAL STUPID QUESTIONS
The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records.
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Were you alone or by yourself?
Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
So, you were gone until you returned?
You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!
15 comments to COWS, CONSTITUTIONS, COMMANDMENTS and Other Jokes
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stephen I likee the stupid questions!! Thats's more like it MWS.Now for the feelthy pictures!!
You don't read your email?
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QQ Hopefully, your selection of jokes has raised everybody up!
Cheers
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Huilu When the times are dark and gloomy, we should advance with dynamism and good cheer!
Have a pleasant evening
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Village Boy Through sincere dialogues, two parties will be able to understand each other's viewpoints and cultures, closing the gap of misunderstanding and achieving harmony.
All we need is faith in each other.
Nobody wants violence!
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Unknown My dear Cat-in-Sydney
Of course I did not ever think you had deserted me; neither do I regard you as a fair weather friend.
Rather, I know you are genuine and sincere and I also know your mama's stand as she expressed it to me the first time I called her last year :-).
Besides, you don't have to tell me you read my posts cos I see you coming into my blog for each new post and I know we are together - bound in unspoken words of love and understanding.
Thanks so much for all your encouragement - love the ebony ivory purrfect harmony bit of your comment...so so so so touching *sniff* Yup we will if ever we get to meet one day!!!
Take care and know that you are in my thoughts and heart always!
hugs
paula
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Unknown Dear Stephen
LOL!!! Aiyo feelthy pics???? You missed the ones I posted???? You have to search in the archives haha...
Er I have more than 10 emails ler...Which one did you send it to??? I will check after I post this comment.
Thanks a bunch!
Warmest wishes
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Unknown Dear Stephen
Aiyo - I checked all my 9 email accounts and there was no mail fr you. Then I forgot the name of the 10th email account and also forgot where I stashed it. Finally, I found it, got your mail and will respond to it,
My deepest thanks and appreciation to you for your sincere comments and friendship. God bless and take care.
Shalom
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Nameless Fool xD @ commandments! Actually, a good laugh came from all these jokes because they're new to me, for now.
Teehee... my aliens don't do that...
Reunion was short but sweet enough. Hope that establishing clearer FB contacts will help raise my pals' awareness.
And the night is rounded off with these jokes and some sweet old metal.
All in all, a good day. I hope yours was, too.
:) Fishfoot
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Unknown Dear QQ, Huilu and Village Boy,
Truly, I want to thank you all for being such regular reders and commenters. Your support and input means a lot to me. REALLY!!!
Thanks also for your words of wisdom and encouragement which go a long way to motivate me to continue blogging...
Indeed we need good cheer, laughter, faith, more love and understanding...and I can see it in you all...
No violence please to those who are intent on continuing their assaults. Let us come together and reason...
Take care and God bless you!
Shalom
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Unknown Dear Fishfoot,
Actually, I had good fun trawling the net for these jokes...laughed till my jaw ached..and am glad you like them too.
Ah - reunions are always very heartwarming and refreshing...Friends are hard to find and when you find them - don't lose them :-).
So dear girl, please never lose touch with me ok?
Hugs and salams
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A Arthur ha ha really good ones. I asked my friends to go and read them. thank you
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Unknown Hi Arthur
:-) Glad you enjoyed the humor...Thanks for telling your friends about it. Have a nice day!
Cheers
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Patrick Tan Reminds me of a real incident. My staff needs to book a flight oversea for me and ask me this.
"Patrick, what is your name?" I looked shocked at her with my other office staff and laughed.......
She actually meant what is my full name as we chinese rarely use our full name like Patrick Tan Kim Seng. Everybody in office knows Patrick KS Tan.
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Unknown Hi there Patrick Tan,
Thanks for sharing that incident which resonates with my post. Lovely to hear from you. Take care and have a nice day!
Cheers
Cat-from-Sydney O Wise Master,
Now, this is more like it. You may think me a fairweather friend, only commenting when you post something lighthearted. But we have been reading your other posts. Just that this cat has made a promise to her Mama to stay away from such stuff although she is saddened by what's happening too. Hope all your gloominess will go away too. Ah, let's sing together: Ebony and ivory, live together in puurrrfect harmony, side by side on my piano, O Lord, why don't we?
Your favourite cat,
You know who.... purrr...meow!