Posted by M ws On Tuesday, January 26, 2010 29 comments
Here is a post of a different nature. Read in between the lines and try to see it metaphorically in various situations. :-) I would love to hear your response to this post. By the way, if you missed my request which I posted HERE, do check it out and respond accordingly. Thanks! Take care and enjoy today and be blessed!

Let's imagine for a moment that you had this problem. There is a lion lurking around and threatening the lives of various desert nomads. How would you catch that Lion in the Desert?
Here is a list of various scientific methods of approaching the problem.

1)THE NEWTONIAN METHOD: Let the lion catch you (let s assume you remain alive here). For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You will have captured the lion.

2) THE EINSTEIN METHOD: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. The relative velocity makes the lion run faster and hence he feels heavier and gets tired.

3) THE METHOD OF INVERSIVE GEOMETRY : The place a spherical cage in the desert and enter it. We then perform an inverse operation with respect to the cage. The lion is then inside the cage and we are outside.

4) THE SET THEORETIC METHOD: We observe that the desert is a separable space. It therefore contains an innumerable dense set of points from which can be extracted a sequence having the lion as the limit. We then approach the lion stealthily along this sequence bearing with us suitable equipment.

5) THE THERMODYNAMIC METHOD: Construct a semi permeable membrane which is permeable to everything except lions and sweep it across the Sahara.

6) TOPOLOGICAL METHOD: Observe that the lion has at least the connectivity of the torus. Transport the desert into 4-space. Then carry out such a transformation that the lion can be returned 3-space in a knotted condition. He is then helpless.

7) THE CARTESIAN METHOD: Take the origin as close as possible to the lion. Then perform rotation operation again and again. Initially, the lion will feel dizzy. Finally it will fall down.

8) THE AUTOMATA METHOD: Use a non-deterministic Finite Automation with epsilon moves from all states to the final state, and no moves from the final state. The lion will soon enter the final state and be trapped.

9) THE INTEGRO-DIFFERENTIAL METHOD: Integrate the Sahara over its entire surface. The lion is now somewhere in the result. Differentiate the result w.r.t. the earth s rotation. The resulting value is zero, and the lion is no more.

10) THE TIME-COP METHOD: Use a time-machine and take the entire Sahara back a few years in time. The lion is just a cub now, and all you need is a mouse-trap.

11) UNIX METHOD: Put the lion on (the hard) disk Do : trapfile option which ensures that size of the lion does not matter Now the lion is caught in a trapfile, and can be safely tar-ed or backed up ....into tape !

12) LINKED LIST METHOD: Make a linked list of all objects in the desert. Then delete the pointers on either side of the lion. Make sure you are not AFTER lion.

13) THE DIRAC METHOD: We observe that wild lions are also facto not observable in the Sahara desert. Consequently if there are any lions, they are tame. The capture of a tame lion is left as an exercise for the reader.

14) THE KALRA METHOD: Make a list of the lion's whereabouts. Classify them into fuzzy sets. The lion will get confused and fall into your trap.

15) THE SCHRODINGER METHOD: At any given moment, there is a positive probability that there is a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait !

16) THE HEISENBURG METHOD: You will disturb the lion when you observe it before capturing. So keep your eyes closed.

17) THE SHAKESPEARE METHOD: Hold the lion still for a moment (I don`t care how you do it), recite Shakespeare s Hamlet to it. The lion will change from To-be to Not-to-be.

Do leave a comment if you would like to share some of your suggestions. :-) Thanks!

Marriage is not a word, it`s a sentence

80% of the married men cheat in US, rest go to europe,asia......

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor`s degree and the woman gets her master`s

There was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A happy Marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why...........

The Marriage comprises of three rings : engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suff`ring`s.

In the first year of Marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen


  1. says:

    Anonymous Monink, Denim Girl,

    If that lion claims that it owns the desert, let the lion has all the desert.

    Like what is happening here. :)

    Denim Guy

  1. says:

    Anonymous THE TROJAN HORSE METHOD: Leave a Trojan horse to stop the lion from interacting with the nomads.

    THE TAOIST METHOD: The lion that goes against the tao will eventually be destroyed. In other words, do nothing, which is a form of action.

    THE DARWINIAN METHOD: Darwin's "strange inversion of reason" says that eventually, the lion will evolve or die out because of natural selection. Encourage the lion to mate with a sterile or aids infected lioness or a tigress.

    THE VAGUENESS METHOD: Vagueness lies at the heart of reality. The lion, like everything, is a vague object, so use another vague object like a net, trap etc. to catch it.

    THE PHILOSOPHICAL METHOD: The lion is something and another something like a gun can be used shoot this something, thereby transforming it to a dead something. The philosophical question, "Why is there always something instead of nothing?" remains unresolved.

    THE COSMOLOGICAL METHOD: Use the big bang (cannon) or a black hole (hole in the ground) to neutralize the lion.


  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Hi Denim Guy

    Then the poor desert nomads will all die in time...Cannot! You must not let that happen. You have to think of a solution :-).

    You can do it! Never give up!


  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Anonymous @ 9.44 a.m.


    Brilliant!!! Simply brilliant!!! You are so creative and imaginative with such a great sense of humor!!! Thank you so much for sharing with us. Yours is much better than what I put up. Please keep in touch and feel free to add on or to send me your writings :-) which I will be pleased to put up and credit to you!

    Once again, thanks and have a nice day!


  1. says:

    QQ Before marriage, a man yearns for a woman. After marriage, the "Y" is silent.

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear QQ

    :-) The "Y" ...or the 'wife' is silent...:-)

    Yet, having being married fo9r 26 years + 6 years of courtship to a very wonderful man, I can say that after many years, there is beauty in silence er...but not all the time :-).

    Take care and thanks for sharing. Have a nice day!


  1. says:

    QQ Before marriage, a man yearns for a woman.

    After marriage, the "Y" is silent, meaning a man 'earns' for a woman.

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear QQ

    Thanks for the clarification, QQ! What a clever comment!

    Ah - An economics term! Golly! And to think I used to teach econs *blush*...

    Initially, I thought you meant 'Why?" - thus my response...

    Well, you are right in many ways - especially for non-working women...and yet for some, regardless of their status, they may still expect $$$ from their husband...Just throwing in an idea for a debate.

    What do you and other readers think? I hope to hear it from both the men and the ladies.

    Thanks for sharing such a thought-provoking comment!

    Have a lovely day!


  1. says:

    nick Sis,

    The various method (Malaysian approach):

    1. 1Malaysia : Assume the problem of catching a lion is in the sloganeering. Therefore change the slogan from 1Malaysia, people first:Performance now to 1Lion, Money upfront:Performance, who gives a S*%T! need to get the lion (performance part). Problem solved!

    2. Defense Ministry approach : Assume the lion is an F5E jet engine. To make it interesting lets make it two. Declare the lions as not missing but lost in the desert. Tell the nomad people because the lions are lost, they are now RM100 million poorer. Pick 3 of the nomad people and blame them for being the cause of the lions going missing and pretend or do nothing to find the lost lions. Don't forget to insist that the Defense Ministry has nothing to do whatsoever with the missing lions (those lost engines however is another matter altogether). The problem now is not about the lion but how to buy (get commission) new fighter jets...

    3. Cultural minister's approach : Blame the cause of the lion's rampage to the rapid urbanization and IT encroachment of the desert. Tell the nomad people instead of using Google Map to seek out the lion, it's better to use carrier pigeon to bring messages to the lion imploring it to leave the Nomad tribe alone. If that doesn't work change mode and send a new message this time in English. The ministry's back up plan is commissioning (I don't mean kickbacks)cave drawings to warn the future generation of the dangers of the lion.

    to be continued in part two:...

  1. says:

    nick Part two:

    4.PERKASA approach : Assume that the use of the word 'lion' is a blasphemy. Only the word "Singa" must be used. If Singapore raise an issue over the word then tells the nomad people that Singapore is out to conquer the desert and kidnap the "Singa" for themselves cos there was no Singa in Singapore to begin with. BTW PERKASA will take offense at the word Singapore too cos to them the right word/name is Singapura. There never was a problem with lion. A singa problem will be handled by demonstrating outside the singa's lair.

    5.Police dept approach : assume that the lion is no longer residing in the desert. Cajole/pay some bloggers to create a story that the lion has escaped from the desert and by using a false passport under the assumed name of RPK fled to the Australian outback/desert. The police then spread stories that the lion was a coward for fleeing the desert rather than be caught and shot by the police (and without trial too). The lion then taunts the police by having a new year party with pretty foreign lioness in a posh and exclusive London apartment. Bloggers (funded by the police)went beserk with jealousy and start a smear campaign against the traitorous lion for leaving the beloved desert. The lion said "Who gives a S#$T!". The lion is not the problem. The problem is that the mere mention of the word lion would make the police pee their pants.

    6. The Ex desert pharaoh approach: Watch some high tech and technological breakthrough movie and formulate a comeback to power strategy. First: claim that the people from the land of the eagle are creating a computer generated lion and putting it in the desert to terrorize the nomad people. Second step: drive around in the desert with a Porche Cayenne, and tells the nomad that the lion does not exist and they are better off driving Proton in the desert since it's "Made in Desert". Since the lion does not exist, the ex pharaoh tells of a new threat to the nomad people. This time it's the illegal transport and sale of the desert sand to the neighboring country. Final step: Tell the desert people to united under him and explain that even though during his reign the sale of desert sand was allowed however due to the global warming effect, the desert is shrinking (and not to mention, he no longer has a cut from the sale)and is in danger of vanishing along with the nomad people, the sale of sand must be stopped at all cost. Therefore the problem is no longer the lion but keeping the sand in the desert. And if the desert people deemed it necessary to reappoint him as pharaoh to show their gratitude, he certainly will not stop them from doing so. So the problem of the lion is solved but by reappointing him as Pharaoh, the sand problem will be solved too (global warming will be over and the sale can resume, of course)!

    This is my version of how to catch a lion. "I do it My Malaysian way (ala Frank Sinatra)!"

    Have a great day Sis.

  1. says:

    Anonymous My wife and I had words, but I never got to use mine.

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Nick

    Aiyo - You are SO GOOOOOOOD!!! Can I put this as a separate post???

    I laughed so much that i choked!!!

    What a wonderful and satirical mind you have!!!

    Thanks for infusing so much value into this post! Take care and may you and yours have a blessed day toay and everyday.


  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Anonymous @ 12.29 pm

    :-) Now I can understand why you have such brevity in your comment! Kidding! Thanks for sharing the humor!

    :-) Have a nice day.


  1. says:

    Anonymous We shall always solve any problem the "Malaysia Boleh" way!

  1. says:

    Anonymous An election candidate was making door-to-door visits. One door was opened by a stern-faced woman.

    "Well?" she said.

    "To what party does your husband belong, madam?" the candidate asked.

    "Young man," replied the woman, bristling, "I'm the party he belongs to!"

    Well, to all our potential candidates, BEWARE!

    And to all our young eligible voters, have you registered yet? If not, better act fast or you may regret later!

    Time is running out.


  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Thanks Anonymous @ 12.48pm!! Take care and have a good day!

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Anonymous @ 1.03 pm

    Very good comment! Thanks so much for the reminder.

    Take care and have a good day!


  1. says:

    Anonymous aiyah, easy lah :
    trap him with an on-heat lioness or even a tigress ....dats' how it happened to me umpteen years ago ...
    sigh !

  1. says:

    nick Sis,

    As always it's my pleasure. You blog and your writing are an inspiration to me. Thank you for believing in me.


  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Anonymous @ 2.04 pm

    LOL!!! You really have a wicked sense of humor! Thanks for that dose of laughter!


  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Nick,

    Thanks so much! I will schedule it for posting later this evening or for tomorrow morning as there is a post scheduled for 3 p.m.

    You are an inspiration to me too, Nick. Thanks for all your contributions, inspiration and humor!

    Have a great day!


  1. says:

    Anonymous Think out of the box, Denim Girl.

    Why should the nomads continue to be nomads?

    If the lion claims that the desert be its alone, let that lion enjoy all the sand he wants.

    While the Nomads can move elsewhere, change their lifestyle, and live happily ever after.

    It's not a "zero sum game". There are still worlds outside that damn hot sandbox.

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Very good response, Denim Guy!

    So applicable here for those who have to resources to relocate.


    Life is like that - survival of the fittest.

    Take care and thanks for sharing.

    Have a lovely evening.


  1. says:

    Anonymous sand ah !? now YM Nizar is annoyed with tv3 for wrong report on sand-curian !
    sand is macam diamond-dust in the lion port !!

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Anonymous @ 6.19 p.m.

    Many thanks for that alert. Will look it up. Take care and have a good evening.


  1. says:

    Anonymous wicked sand of humor....hehehe !
    ampun tuan...oops puanku , juta2 ampuan !

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Anonymous @ 6.41 pm

    Wah - u nakal ah! LOL!! Take care and have a good evening.


  1. says:

    Anonymous laughter is the best !

    " name a fruit "
    ' liew...liewlean.'
    " another fruit of alphabet A ."
    ' ...Apa ? '
    " Apple....yes ! "

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Anonymous @ 7.30 pm

    Thanks for the laughs! Take care and have a good rest.


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