I have always thought that I make a better man than I do as a woman :-) because of my in-born traits. Although I may appear subdued and er *cough* gentle in my posts, in real life, I can be quite an aggressive character. However, after being married to my dear husband for over 26 years, his mild characteristics and gentle nature has sort of influenced me so I have become more er...feminine *ahem* and normal in recent years :-). I always get along better with men than I do with women with the exception of Angela, my dearest friend, without whom I would not be where I am today. I have many good male friends and find that they are very easy-going and forgiving in nature...so this post is dedicated to all GUYS to make you laugh a lot and also to WOMEN - to make them remember that men - we can't live without them!!!
As always, my intention is to inject humor into cyberspace and not to offend anyone! Serious! Take care and have a lovely day! Cheers!
*Please do not imagine I have warped thinking LOL!!! It is up to you how you wish to interpret these onliners hehehe...
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Men are like ...Laxatives.
They irritate the sh*t out of you.
Men are like ... Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are. Ahem. I am talking about their character!!!
Men are like ... Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw, they lose interest.
Men are like ... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like ... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you awake all night.
Men are like ... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like ... Department Stores.
Their clothes are always half off.
Men are like ... Government Bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like ... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like ... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like ... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like ... Parking Spots.
All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped
So what do you girls think this is . . . is it true or not ? . . .
I hope the guys out there can write something along these lines about WOMEN. I am very sporting and game to accept wisecracks all in good fun! Take care and have a lovely day!
39 comments to JOKES ABOUT MEN FOR MEN AND WOMEN :-)
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Kenneth Men are like ... Government Bonds.
Haha, it reminds me of the so many bonds launched by Najib.
Everybody knows how 1Malaysia Bond works: Place in RM1,000 or so, and wait till the end of the year to get your “dividend”.
That’s it. So simple, right?
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Boleh Man A clever man tells a woman he understands her; a stupid one tries to prove it.
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Anonymous An Italian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
What were you thinking?
Her husband speaks English lah!!
I worry about you sometimes!
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Nameless Fool Blenders they are, indeed. :D
Yes, I'm in the age of confusion. I wonder if I deter people - men and women - because of what's almost always on my mind.
I kinda think that's why I have an old friend who hasn't confirmed my FB friend request - maybe it's the FA1L profile picture.
Best not get a blender and quickly lose one when I still run the risk of getting ISA'ed.
:P
But I don't think men are bank machines when it comes to video games or something else that's addictive. I luff video games myself, but I'm more addicted to stories. *probably has never experienced withdrawal because has too many hobbies - knitting needles and yarn left in that cabinet for months*
Have a nice rest-of-the-day, MWS :)
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Anonymous Men are like ... Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw, they lose interest.
Well, I like this one!
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Anonymous Any wife with an inferiority complex can cure it by being sick in bed for a day while her husband manages the household and the children
See the result?
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JournoDownUnder Dear MWS,
My contribution: (something that all men and women can relate to)
Marriage is like a murder.
It gives you instant gratification and then you'll be jailed for life.
Out of topic? Oh, well.....
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Village Boy "After several months of running verbal battles with the Catholic Church, the BN government appeared to have finally conceded yesterday on the 'Allah' issue for Sabah and Sarawak." -Malaysiakini
Is this a joke too?
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Hafiz b Shukor "There are times in most men's lives that test whether they be dross or pure gold. It is the decision made in the crisis which proves the man."
- Andrew Cargegie
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Unknown Dear readers and commenters
Many apologies for the late publication of your comments and for my late response. My visitors just left Penang and my cousin and his wife from Switzerland arrived this afternoon after which another couple of old friends will be arriving tomorrow from New Zealand.
So now, my new job is playing tourist guide to my friends and relatives....Do bear with me if the comments are late. In between shuttling here and there, I will be blogging :-)...After all, I am a blog addict.
Take care and thanks for your understanding.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Cat-in-Sydney
Thanks for that addendum to my post...Aha your mama and I have the same mind that is why you have to call me Auntie LOL!!!
Take care and don't play politics with your mama and dad! LOL!
Have a lovely weekend!
Salam
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Unknown Dear Kenneth
Life is not as simple...not even government bonds hehe...
Well, we will have to wait and see what happens. Take care and have a lovely weekend.
Cheers
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Unknown Hi Boleh Man
You really BOLEH understand and get round to women!!! Wow! Thanks for sharing this and I am sure many girls are hoping that their boyfriends and husbands read this! :-)
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 4.42 p.m.
Hehe!! I have heard this one before but your version is by far the best!! You ARE a good story teller. Thanks for sharing and for the laughs!
Cheers
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Unknown My dear Fishfoot
Aha - from the way you write, me thinks you are still a swinging single :-)
Age of confusion - hmmm when you have loads of admirers lining up for a date - you WILL be really confused then!
Take care and have a lovely weekend.
Hugs and salams
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Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 4.51 pm
Glad you like that one...I do too and it could go either way :-)
Take care and have a lovely weekend.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 5.46 p.m.
Hmm that is a good idea LOL!!!
Cheers
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Unknown Dear JournoDownUnder
Haha! That is a very good one! Did you coin that one? Good job. Take care and thanks for sharing.
Have a lovely weekend.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Village Boy
Ah - better hold your horses...Too early to be happy. In Malaysia, anything can happen.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Saudara Hafiz
Tough times always build character, patience and endurance and when we go through the fire, the 'man' in us emerges...
Take care and thanks for the inspirational comment.
Have a lovely weekend!
Salam
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stephen Good jokes MWS! Go easy on the laksa and char koay teow when out entertaining.You don't want your jeans screaming for mercy!
I have just graduated into the ranks of a geriatric fuddie duddy.My blood pressure just hit the century mark and my doctor is not terribly impressed!Looks like diet,exercise and pill time for me.Too much staring at the screen can make jack or jill a stroke waiting to happen.
Ahhh... the joys of aging....another milestone reached in our quest to meet the maker.
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Unknown Hi Stephen
Alas,your reminder came a bit too late..:-)
Last week, I went on a diet just to prepare for the avalanche of visitors this week and next...lost 9 pounds and I have yet to garner enough courage to step on the scales.
Oh - my bp is terrible too...average is 150/95-98!!! Writing about Malaysian politics is certainly an occupational hazard!
Sighs - I guess we are all ageing...
Take care and have a lovely weekend!
Shalom
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QQ Please take pride in the fact that your jokes have truly raised us up!
Have a nice weekend
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Unknown Dear QQ
Many thanks for that comment! I was so afraid that the guys would be offended!
Take care and have a lovely weekend!
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Kenneth
Agree! At the rate things are going, ...sighs...what else can we say...without losing our minds and increasing our BP?
Take care and have a lovely weekend!
Cheers
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Ckw It is vital that all of us, regardless of age, strive to unite together in one heart and one mind, and work with a shared sense of purpose and commitment.
We need a better future for our children in this Bolehland!
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Unknown Dear CKW
Thanks for that sensitive and caring reminder for us to plod on in the fight for a better nation. Frankly, I am very worried for my children and their children too!
Take care and have a lovely evening.
Cheers
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Boleh Man Are you going to share with your cousin and his wife from Switzerland, and your old friends from New Zealand all the 'good stuff' of Malaysian politics?
Malaysia Boleh, haha!
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Unknown Dear Boleh Man
I am thoroughly ashamed lah because my cousin from Switzerland sends me news on Malaysia from BBC even before I read about it in our MSM or online news portals...In fact, they know more than me!!! The irony of it all...Malaysians out of the country are more concerned than many who are IN the country!
Malaysia boleh!
Sighs
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Anonymous Luckily your cousin and friends from overseas do not have 'access' to The Star or Utusan Malaysia!
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Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 10.49 pm
Unfortunately, they do have access to the online version of those two MSM and know what is going on. In fact, they also read MT and MI and other news portals too.
Take care and thanks for swinging by!
Cheers
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Anonymous Musa Hassan, Malaysia’s IGP, is embarking on a fishing expedition. He has told his officers to explore all avenues on how to get me. The trouble is: many of his own police officers report to me rather than to him. So I know what he did this morning and what he is doing right now even as you read this....
- Raja Petra Kamarudin
Oh my God! What has happened to our country! I'm so sad and confused!
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Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 11.08 pm
I just read that like half an hour ago...Worse still...did you read about Sabah and what Bernama wrote about terrorist attacks?
Hmm The timing is sinister...
Divine intervention is needed!!!
Sighs
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Unknown You are most welcome, dear Antares! Take care and I will talk to you soon!
Hugs
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Sweetee Here's a few more about man & woman to add, if they are not already stale. Please, gentlemen and ladies, don't take offence if some of these sound a bit harsh or unfair.
1)
smart man + smart woman = romance
smart man + dumb woman = affair
dumb man + smart woman = marriage
dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
2)
A man will pay $2 for 1 $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need
3)
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4)
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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Unknown Dear Swee Tee
My apologies for forgetting to respond to your comment.
Many thanks for your humorous contribution to my blog.
I love jokes and am happy with this set...
Take care and have a good week ...
Cat-from-Sydney O Wise Master,
Eavesdropped conversation between my Mama and her friend yesterday evening.
Aunty M: Should I pursue this younger guy? People say they're less matured, that's why we should go for older men.
Mama: Go ahead. Men are like Government Bonds. They never mature. So, at any age they're the same.
hahahaha...you and my Mama thinking along the same lines, eh? I'll report her to Dad... purrr....meow!