A blog reader, Arthur, sent me the following post which I'd like to share with you all this morning. Watch out for the Bonus Commandment Story. Warning. If you are still married, don't (I repeat) don't go too near to a Wishing Well with your wife. Smile and have a nice day!
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said .
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, 'It really works!'
Please click on the comments to read the hilarious comments from two dear blog readers Nick and Stephen. Thanks! Smile a lot! HAVE A NICE DAY!
16 comments to THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR MEN
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nick Hi Sis,
Such a great post, Sis. Therefore being the rascal that I am, I’ve inserted my own remarks to the commandment to make it easier for my brain to remember it! Ha.. Ha… Hope you like it.
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning. (Yes, the neighbors’ swears that they heard thunder and sees lightning yesterday night. Tiger Wood can vouch that thunder and lighting hit his house too!).
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. (Yes talk, don’t coo or purr sweet nothing in your sleep especially involving another woman’s name. Talk about something your wife can relate to; such as the psychological impact of Lorena Bobbitt’s mishap with a scissor on the male population, etc).
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand! (Aren’t we all glad we’re not Tiger Wood! Parting with millions? Are you crazy?)
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
In the fourth year, the man speaks and the woman listens. (Wait a minute! This sounds like the first year! Yes, the man has a new wife! You dolt!)
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is. (Not necessarily true in Malaysia. The man might just being careful not to slam the car door. Ordinary Malaysian can only afford a Proton so if the wife slammed the door, the window might be broken or worse, it is stuck half way neither shut nor open. Malaysian Boleh! Is that appropriate (shouting Malaysia Boleh for having your car window malfunction?)
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. (Who in their right mind wants to be a Siamese twins? Someone has to go and that’s why they are fighting!)
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said .
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. (Huh? What? Didn’t we have this conversation last night?)
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife. (What if I don’t call them” wives” but (PA) Personal Assistant? Will the law let me keep the other 3? Please? Pretty, please? What if I “Bung” the holes in your pocket? Will that be OK?)
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why one treats the other like toxic waste. (Whoa, isn’t that taking “Till death do us part” a bit extreme? Polluting your own spouse to the grave? On the other hand, that makes extra marital affair an environmentally friendly option, doesn’t it?)
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. (Wow! Some men really do need a lot of work to be finished, not to mention some women really do need the practice to be perfect at it, huh!?)
BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, 'It really works!' (The wife didn’t realized that the husband was praying “ Dear GOD, please let this misery end!”).
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Unknown Dear Stephen and Nick
To be honest, I thought I was THE mad one in cyberspace...er until I got to know you guys via my blog LOL!!!
Your wit and humor are simply astounding!!!
Thanks so much...I hope readers will click on the comments to read this...and I will surely add a comment at the end of the post haha.
Thanks so much for making my day. I sure hope you don't get into trouble with your respective spouses for your entries hehehe!
Thanks again for sharing.
Have a great day!
Salam and best wishes
mws
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QQ The husband leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
Oh, oh! Do you think she will live better as a widow, haha!?
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stephen Glad you enjoyed it MWS. It is said that Moses brought down 20 commandments.Moses kept this 10 to remind himself everyday.That's why he was able to live till 120.
I picked it up by chance when Tiger Woods dropped it when he married Elin.You know what happened to the poor bugger.
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Unknown Dear QQ
Hehe...Perhaps she could be happier haha...
Take care and have a good day!
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Stephen
Haha! You never cease to amaze me with your wit and humor...
Laughter is the best medicine and certainly keeps us all saner and much happier.
Keep on smiling!
Have a good day !
Shalom
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Anonymous Since there is NO such a commanment
for christians a must to use 'Allah' :as a humble christian, i CHOOSE not to use it ( though justice is being served NOW ) in my 'prayers & worships' to our father GOD !!
Dear fellow christians, the CHOICE is ours & pls let's be sensitive for the sake of 'true love & harmony' for humans ...Hallelujah !!
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Catherine I don't concur with Commandment 8.
No doubt, the law allows only one wife.
But remember, that particular wife can be beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
What say you, ladies?
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Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 3.43 p.m
Thanks for your wisdom and level-headed perspective. God bless you and yours!
Shalom
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Unknown Dear Catherine
:-) I agree with you!!! Take care and may God bless you and yours always!
Shalom
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Adam It's not the fault of the wife that she is a woman.
Havn't we heard before, "Behind every successful man, there is always a woman. Behind every successful woman, there are at least ten dead men!"
Women? May God bless them and keep them far, far away from me! I wish! :)
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Unknown Dear Adam
:-) Thanks for your tongue-in-cheek comment :-).
Take care and may your days and nights be filled with love from the woman who loves you and whom you love!
Blessings to you and yours
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A Arthur ha ha Dear MWS, this type of 10 commandments have attracted quite a lot of funny comments and there are interesting. Perhaps there may be an 11 commandment, as many of us know, Thous shall not get caught...if you have another woman outside. And if you are caught then she might just cut off your reproductive organ, chop it into pieces and feed it to the chickens....
Good for jokes and laughter to make the day when we have sexist jokes and everybody takes a light banter to it...not a means of belittling woman but just to make our day.
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A Arthur I heard this one before:
Eve asked Adam one day "Do you love me?"
Adam answered"Of course, who else"
and that is when trouble starts...
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Unknown Dear Arthur
LOL!!! AH - that procedure is known as a BOBBIT...after the name of the woman who did a bobbit on her husband...imagine - the surname has now become a verb!
Do take care....keep smiling and laughing to destress..
Have a good day!
Warmest wishes
stephen 1)Thou shall not argue with your wife,motor mouth always wins.
2)Thou shall not fight with your wife,she has bigger arms and weaponry in the kitchen.
3)Thou shall not skimp with your wife,she holds the bank accounts.
4)Thou shall not commit adultery,one is bad enough, silly.Don't you ever learn?
5)Thou shall not lie to your wife,she's got more loyal spies than you have.
6)Thou shall keep the sabbath as shopping day or there'll be hell to pay.
7)Thou shall not kill your wife,motor mouth will come back to haunt you no matter what.
8)There is only one God in the household and that is your wife.
9)Do not use your wife's name in vain, she's a lot vainer than you think.
10)Do not worship idols as there is no other idol than your wife.
Let us Pray....
In the name of the wife, the mother in law and her snitching friends,
Amen