masterwordsmith-unplugged

Mark and Michael were identical twins, who would confuse many people who did not know them. Mark owned a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day Michael's wife died.

A few days later, a kind old woman saw Mark and mistaking him for Michael, said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel so terrible."

Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, replied; "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, and a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."

The old lady fainted.

This post is truncated. Click the next link to read more.

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The Moods of a Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

The Moods of a Man

Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.

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"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties."

-- Harry Truman

We all need to realize that things really aren't that bad.

Many people have a much worse life than we do.

Starting today, no more griping and complaining.

Let's all appreciate our lives.

Let's find ways to create new opportunities.

Let's all make the best of what we have!

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The Fart Poem

Farting with style takes practice,
Perfection takes time; it's a gift,
You've first got to learn all the basics,
Like pushing one out in a lift.

Those silent but violent are classics,
With friends it's a really good game,
Fart in a crowd at a party,
Then watch to see who gets the blame.

Now once your technique has been mastered,
You'll know what your bottom can do,
But ALWAYS remember - don't push too hard,
Because one day you might follow through !!!!

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The Blind Clerk
and the Farting Woman

A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir .....can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says , "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line......It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it" He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes
that there is no way he could tell it was her ... being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

If you are in Penang, don't forget the Sembang-Sembang Forum @ Complex Penyayang tonight @ 8.30 pm. Click HERE to read more about it.

Have a lovely Friday and a wonderful weekend! Take care.
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