IMPORTANT TIPS FOR IMPORTANT MOMENTS

Posted by Unknown On Wednesday, May 5, 2010 10 comments
The following Love-Making Tips For Seniors were sent to me some time ago and I cannot remember if I have posted it before. Anyway, it is worth another visit :-). Hope this brings many smiles to your face. Have a nice day.

Love-Making Tips for Seniors

1. Wear your glasses.
TO make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes,
In case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.
(Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want....The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

'OLD' IS WHEN Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs And make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes And you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN You are not sure if these are facts or jokes?


Questions and Answers from AARP Forum
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested
in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60
year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT? Have a great day!

10 comments to IMPORTANT TIPS FOR IMPORTANT MOMENTS

  1. says:

    Cat-from-Sydney Aunty Paula,
    You're making my Mama worry now. Just the other day we heard say this in a shop:
    Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
    A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
    har har har *evil laughs*

  1. says:

    Ckw 'OLD' IS WHEN Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs And make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

    My advice : Get a single-storey house.

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Angelina

    LOL!!! I am not even 50 yet and I have been saying that same remark...

    The times - they are a-changing indeed!

    :-)

    Take care and have a lovely day!

    Salam

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear CKW

    That is very pragmatic advice! :-)

    Take care and have a great day!

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Catherine OLD' IS WHEN You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

    SPEEDS kills, doesn't it?

  1. says:

    ahoo For men only. Never pull out your wallet and offer HER tips after the love session, I meant your wife lah ! That will be reminding her of your wayward days of old in brothel.

    After 60 and driving out of auto-gated house,did I press the remote to lock the gate argh ?

    After 60, usually the retriving part is still intact but the current happenings are forgotten as storage not possible due to memory full or blank. But memories of childhood days are still pretty fresh, leh !

  1. says:

    HotDogg I didn't ask you to read this...

    You know you're a wasted old fart when you are at Stage 3 with your woman:

    Stage 1: Tri-Weekly

    Stage 2: Try Weekly

    Stage 3: Try Weakly

    Hehehehehe!

    Me? Me strong corgi. Does daily departures. :-)

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Catherine

    You are right! Take care and seize the day! Enjoy the rest of the evening and God bless you always!

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear ahoo

    Thanks for sharing so candidly!

    I have yet to hit the big five and find myself misplacing items in the house...I have difficulties remembering phone numbers and the names of protagonists in movies and even where I park my car at the mall LOL!!! Thank God for sons! :-)

    Still, my memories of my childhood are crystal clear and they are my treasures indeed!

    Take care and God bless you and yours!

    Shalom

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Little Corgi

    :-) You are really very cheeky LOL!!!

    Excellent pun!

    Thanks for sharing your wit and humor:-).

    Cheers

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