masterwordsmith-unplugged

The following are sentences taken from actual letters received by welfare departments on applications for support:

* I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
* I am writing the welfare department to say my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?
* Mrs. Jones had not have any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
* I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why.
* I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
* This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.
* Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or drink until he knows.
* I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
* In answer to your letter, I have birth to a boy weighing ten pounds: I hope this is satisfactory.
* I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children; one of which is a mistake as you can see.
* My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
* Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
* You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this make any difference.
* I have no children as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.
* In accordance with your instruction, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
* I want money as quick as I can get, so I have been in bed with doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.