Here's a list of flight rules which you might enjoy if you fly often :-). Smile a lot and have a lovely Saturday!
There is a lot pilots have to take into account when hulling you across the sky...
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger
compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago.
25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.
10 comments to A SPECIAL LIST OF RULES *humor*
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nick Sis,
After lunch, I had another brainwave and here it is the continuation of the "Special List for Pemandu"...
10.You know you have become a good minister when your "polsec" got arrested with millions of cash and you still have your job. Dey! Macha, ada paham ka?
11.The probability of surviving a party election is directly proportional to the size of your wallet. W.A.L.L.E.T! Not your D#*k, you idiot! I’m talking about party election not an Erection party!
12.Never let an aircraft take you to a place where they can extradite you. Especially now when that blasted RPK has opened the can of scum err… or is it SCUMI? SCAMI? SCOOMY?
13.Stay out of London, Paris and especially Ulan Bator! No amount of Silver or gold for that matter, is going to help if you’re are in their jail, on their soil!
14.There are 3 simple rule of winning an election. Offer Ringgit, offer Pound Sterling and last but not least offer them even more money (in what ever currency)! BUT never ever offer them a big trolley..sorry..lady who sings!
15.You start your ministerial tenure with an empty money suitcase AND you should end it with a few containers (the 40 ft long ones not those 40 ltrs water container) full of what else…Money, moolah..or whatever you want to call it!
16.Political frog don’t eat flies but then again if we throw enough money at them, they will eat anything including their hat or 'kopiah' for that matter.
17.If you see through the window of your office a lot of people demonstrating and seeking your presence to hand over a memo or whatever, just pick up the phone and let the dog loose…err.. sorry….I’m changing my mode…. Ok…lets start over… pick up the phone and call the FRU! End of demo!
18.In the on going battle between our greed and our conscience, I’m happy to say that our greed has a lot more budget (last time I check it was 3.9 Billion), not to mention a lot more weapons and ammo!
19. A good judge is from a Malaysian court and the corrupt ones are always from other country and that is because they don’t know our law and our “culture”. Isn’t that correct! correct, correct! CJ old Buddy!”
May GOD bless us all, Sis.
Nick.
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Anonymous 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
That's a good one!
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Unknown Dear Nick
Many thanks for your special list! What a riotous list indeed LOL!!! Seems that this post has unleashed much creativity, humor and wit in your writing.
While we may laugh at the humor, at times, the start realization of the thin line separating truth from fiction is an unexpected jolt to reality and then the facial expression changes from a smile to a frown and perhaps tears.
Take care and thank so much for sharing!
Here's wishing you and yours a blessed weekend!
Salam
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Unknown Dear Nick,
Wow! Fantastic addendum. Please may I have your permission to repost this together with your previous comment in a stand alone post?
Thanks for the laughs and the reminders!
Have a great weekend and it is truly lovely to hear from you!
Salam
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 2.32pm
I am glad you enjoyed this list, especially # 9.
Take care and have a great weekend. Do keep in touch!
God bless you and yours.
Cheers
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nick Sis,
Sorry for the late reply... as always it is your, Sis. I'm glad the list has lifted some gloom from your life. GOD bless.
Nick.
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Unknown Dear Nick
Ah - my dear adik could sense that I have been feeling gloomy especially with regards to the TBH memorial and also the turn of events wrt price hikes etc. Thank you so much for being sensitive to my moods and for cheering me up!
Take care and may the Almighty bless you and yours always.
Salam
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Anonymous Hi Nick, you are a thorn to the "rose" and with your Never Ending Piss on anything APNO, surely you have stirrup the hornets nest. Just be alert not to be stung by any wondering bees that know not what you are saying.
Was told of this joke when we were into the jungle last weekend. In the year 2020, a group of top CEOs' of the corporate world were all invited for the launch of a pilotless plane. It was announced that the entire plane and its software were developed by a group of Malaysians.
Those present were invited to get onboard the plane for a flight of the century. One by one those CEOs' declined and it was a real embrassment to the organizer. Then out of a sudden to the surprise of the organizer, a wealthy young man (wearing Armani suit)boarded the plane.
All the people were too stun to utter any words until the organizer asked him cooly, are you not afraid that this plane is pilotless ? Well, said the young man, why should one be afraid when both the plane and its software are written by my own people.
There was the thundering applause and many were shouting Malaysia Bolih ! The next statement managed to calm all the earlier frenzy. I am absolutely confidence with my people and I dare to board the plane simply because I know that it will not even take off.
No need to have old pilots nor bold pilots in this case. Just pilotless and cannot take off. The current political scenario is very much on auto-pilot mode. The captian will say onething and the chief steward will say another ???
~ahoo~
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Unknown Dear ahoo
Wow! Thanks for sharing that story which has deep significance for our political landscape.
What is most stunning would be your analysis of the situation. Do write a piece when you are free for I always have the greatest respect for the depth of your ideas, insight and experience. I am still waiting anxiously for the piece I mentioned before :-).
Thanks so much for taking the time to share this. Take care and may the Lord bless you and your family.
Shalom
nick Sis,
For your pleasure, I present to you my.....
SPECIAL LIST FOR PEMANDU DRIVING THE CABINET ON WHEEL CARRYING EXCREMENTAL ELEMENT OF APNO, BUN AND OTHER “LIVESTOCK” (BUN COMPONENT “ANIMALS”).
1. Participating in every General Election and Buy election is optional. "WINNING" it by
any means necessary (legal or otherwise) is compulsory. Did you know that Mr SPAM Chairman!
2.If you push for subsidy cuts, our election war chest gets bigger. If you don’t push for it
(subsidy cuts) then the chances of us winning the election is even smaller. That’s why we always call it price adjustment and NEVER PRICE INCREASE!
3.A faulty submarine is not dangerous at all. It is only dangerous to the submarine’s
crew member only. Please always remember that and never volunteer to be a submarine crew member.
4.It is always better being up here on top of the government AND be able to piss on those way down below i.e “the rakyat”.
5. The only time you have enough money is “there never will come the time when you have enough money, especially when it’s not yours to begin with”.
6.The voters is just the people who you need to keep happy when it is time for an Erection ..err.. sorry, election. Other time, they are just some poor B*&%$#d that you s&^%$d to get more money.
7.When in doubt, talk nonsense, made up statistics and set up a NKRA lab. Nobody ever question things that they can’t pronounce let alone understand. Spin, baby, Spinn!!!
8. A good minister is someone who walks the corridor of power and at the same time able to grab a couple of millions (billions is better) in one stride. Don't forget, must be able to get away with it! "Ascot-free! Sorry Vincent..it's supposed to be "scot-free"!
9.Learn from TDM. Hundreds of billions gone but still the idiots ..err.. the people worship him. Don’t forget to develop selective amnesia. What, you can’t remember the specific of the deal??? By jove, you’ve got it! You do learn fast!
I think I’ll stop here sis. There’s too much things to write and I haven’t had lunch yet.
Happy weekend, Sis and GOD bless!
Nick.