masterwordsmith-unplugged

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

When in doubt, mumble.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.