Daniel and Jessica, young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon. When they got back, Jessica immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest?'
'Oh, Ma,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic...'Father of the Bride Speech
Then Jessica burst out crying. 'But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Daniel started using the most ghastly language... saying things I've never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Ma.'
'Calm down, Jessica!,' said her mother, 'Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?'
Still sobbing, Jessica whispered, 'Oh, Ma...words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.'
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Did You Know? Man Jokes - One-liners
(1) In a recent poll held in the USA, American men and women were asked if they would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again.
80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman.
Interestingly, only 50% of the women responded that they would marry the same man. Oh dear!
(2) Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.
(3) 'When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.' - Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)
(4) Men who never get carried away should be. Malcolm Forbes
(5) The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. Margo Kaufman
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An English teacher wrote the words, 'Woman without her man is nothing' on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate so that it made sense.
The boys wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.'
The girls wrote: 'Woman! Without her, man is nothing.'
How do you decide who to marry?
You've got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Martin, age 10.
How would you make a marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. Nathan, age 10.
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New Tuesday Evening Classes for Men Man Jokes
All are welcome - Open to men only
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course lasts for 4 weeks and topics covered in this course include:
Week One of Evening Classes for Men
1) TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
2) DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKETS AND FLOOR
Practising with hamper (pictures and graphics)
3) DISHES & CUTLERY; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts
4) HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
5) LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other
- Help line and support groups
6) LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming
- Open forum
Week Two - Evening Classes for Men
7) EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
8) HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
9) REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
10) IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
11) LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
12) HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
13) REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN you're GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
14) GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available
Week 3 Evening Classes for Men - Repeat of week 1
Week 4 Evening Classes for Men - Repeat of week 2
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SEMINARS FOR WOMEN
In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status.
The following courses will be offered:
General Education:
GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
GE104: How to Parallel Park
GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera
Home Economics:
HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature
HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely
HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely
HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely
HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut Credit Cards in Half")
HE103: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation
IR102: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching Roller Derby
IR103: Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b)
IR104: Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce
IR105: Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly "Keeping Your Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")
IR106: Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator' is REALLY For!")
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Dictionary for women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card
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These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated:* "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."
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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'
'I never know how much of what I say is true.' Bette Midler
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. Margo Kaufman
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. Alice Thomas Ellis
'It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.' Tallulah Bankhead
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Finally: Thinking Man - A little Reading is Dangerous
The husband had just finished reading the book 'Man of the House.'
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said,
'From now on I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is law. I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?
His wife replies, 'the funeral director would be my guess'
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Have a nice day and keep smiling!!! Enjoy your weekend and swing by again later for the next post. Thanks!
Psychological warfare is a tactic involving the use of propaganda or similar methods to demoralize the enemy in an attempt to ensure victory, possibly without even having to use physical violence. New technologies such as the radio, television, and the internet have helped carve the face of modern psychological warfare, ever creating new ways to reach the opposition. As long as conflicts exist, expect new forms of psychological warfare to be formulated and implemented.
Historical Perspective
1. Biblical Times
Psychological warfare was used in the Old Testament in Judges when Gideon fought the Amalekites.
2. Alexander the Great
Alexander the Great of Macedon swayed the mindsets of the people who were expropriated in his campaigns. To prevent them from revolting, he left some men behind in each city to introduce Greek culture, control it and oppress dissident views as well as interbreed. Most successfully, he influenced loyalist and separatist opinions alike and changed the psyches of the occupied people to conform.
3. The Mongols
Without psychological warfare, the Mongols would never have conquered more territory in the 13th century than anyone else in human history. This was their SOP:
Before attacking a settlement, the Mongol general would demand tribute and submission to the Khan or otherwise threaten to attack. The Mongols would threaten a village with complete destruction should a single arrow be fired. Nations like Kiev and Khwarizm, refused to surrender. In a series of choreographed maneuvers, the cavalry slaughtered the enemy.
As seen in many movies, a few would be spared to take their tales of the encroaching horde to the next villages. This created an aura of insecurity with the resistance, eventually supplanting the will of the villagers ending in victory.
Genghis Khan used fire at night to create an illusion of numbers. He ordered each soldier to light three torches at dusk in order to deceive and intimidate enemy scouts. Tamerlane, built a pyramid of 90,000 human heads before the walls of Delhi, to convince them to surrender.
4. World War II
Most of the events throughout history involving psychological warfare utilized tactics that instilled fear or a sense of awe towards the enemy. In the 20th century, advances in communications technology acted as a catalyst for mass propagandizing.
a) Adolf Hitler was one of the first leaders to relentlessly gain fanatical support through the use of technology. Most intelligently, Hitler used resonating projections of his orations through a microphone to exaggerate his presence to make him seem almost god-like.
This was a form of psychological warfare, because the image that he created for himself greatly influenced and swayed the German people to eventually follow him to what would ultimately become their own destruction. Sir Winston Churchill made similar use of radio for propaganda from the Allied side.
b) The American military in the invasion of Normandy displayed a fusion of psychological warfare with military deception. Before "D-Day," "Operation Quicksilver" created a fictional "First United States Army Group" (FUSAG) commanded by General George S. Patton that supposedly would invade France at the Pas-de-Calais. American troops used false signals, decoy installations, and phony equipment to deceive German observation aircraft and radio intercept operators.
America also used psychological warfare with some success in Japan during the same war. The Lemay bombing leaflets over Japan at the end of WWII was a major move by American forces. These documents, containing propaganda in Japanese, fostered distrust of Japanese leaders and encouraged the surrender of Japanese forces.
c) Radio personalities such as Lord Haw-Haw, Axis Sally, Tokyo Rose, Seoul City Sue and Hanoi Hannah also used propaganda for their respective causes.
d) The Cold War raised psychological techniques to a high art and merged them with economic warfare, "character assassination," and brainwashing. Techniques used include:
- Broadcasting of white noise to convince eavesdroppers that encryption was in use, and to waste vast sums of time and money trying to decrypt it.
- Recruiting particularly innocent-appearing individuals to be spies or saboteurs so that, when revealed or captured, doubt would be cast on many more individuals.
- Various methods to ensure that any captured agent implicated as many innocent others as possible, for instance, maximizing the number of questionable contacts.
In the 1980s, the Information Age provided the potential to extend psychological warfare throughout all civilian activities. Growing exponentially through the rise of radio, television, and finally manifesting itself on the Internet, the power of those who framed facts about the world steadily grew during the postwar period.
According to Daniel Lerner in Psychological Warfare Against Nazi Germany: The Sykewar Campaign, D-Day to VE-Day, psychological warfare operations can be divided into three categories:
- White [Omissions + Emphasis] - Truthful and not strongly biased, where the source of information is acknowledged.
- Grey [Omissions + Emphasis + Racial/Ethnic/Religious Bias] - Largely truthful, containing no information that can be proven wrong; the source may or may not be hidden.
- Black [Commissions of falsification] - Intended to deceive the enemy.
Propaganda appeals to emotion, not intellect. Propaganda was often used to influence opinions and beliefs on religious issues, particularly during the split between the Roman Catholic Church and the Protestant churches.
Psychological Operations or PSYOP are planned operations to convey selected information and indicators to audiences to influence their emotions, motivations, objectives, reasoning and behavior. It entails learning about the enemy - their beliefs, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Once they know these, they will begin the psychological warfare campaign which is a war of the mind!!!
You can read more at THIS LINK. For samples of propaganda leaflets, CLICK HERE.
Some of you may wonder why I read up so much to write on this topic. Well, firstly, I am quite fed up of the current scene and need to activate my brain by reading more. Secondly, I love to give myself little research projects like this to occupy my time :-) in the evening. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed surfing the net for the wealth of information available and believe this information is so vital for us to make sense of the nonsense around us. Do leave a comment about this topic if you wish. I would love to hear your views. Take care and have a blessed evening/day wherever you may be.
