masterwordsmith-unplugged

In the tropical forest of La-la-land, there lived three little kancils who had nothing but mutual respect for each other. They enjoyed their tranquil and peaceful life living in harmony with their environment.



Using the resources from their tropical haven, each of them built a beautiful home for themselves. One built a house of rare but strong lallang while another constructed a house of sticks. The third one created a house of dung, clay and all kinds of grass and creepers shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they were finished, the three little kancils were satisfied with their handiwork and home so they settled down and lived in peace and self-determination.



Tragically, their idyllic haven was soon shattered most unexpectedly. One hot and humid day, a big bad wolf descended upon them with expansionist ideas.

He saw the well-fattened kancils and grew very hungry physically and ideologically.

When the three little kancils saw the wolf, they ran helter skelter and sought refuge in the house of lallang.

The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Hello there, little kancils! It's only me - Mr. Wolfy Wolf! Please let me in! It is terribly hot out here and I need a glass of cold water."

The kancils shouted back, "Your deceitful tactics will not beguile us and we have united to defend our homes and culture."

Aha! Big bad wolves do not give up easily - especially when it came to servile and delicate-looking kancils no matter how much muscle they had. The wolf was adamant that the three little kancils must not deny him of what he thought to be his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of lallang. The frightened kancils ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit.


Sadly, where the house had stood, Mr. Wolfy had already put Plan A into action. Other wolves bought up the land from him and started an oil palm plantation.They grew richer and richer as they took the land from the kancils and other living creatures of La-La-Land.

At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little, kancils, little darlings, let me in! Don't be shy! It's only me, Mr. Wolfy Wolf."

The three little kancils shouted back, "Go and see your Maker, you evil, idiotic, carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!"

At this, the enraged wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The kancils ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf chased them so closely at their heels until they could smell his bad breath even though they were in the lead.

One of them turned back and gasped. Where the house of sticks had stood, Mr. Wolf had already put Plan B into place. Other evil wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fibreglass reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkeling in man-made lakes and tiger shows.

At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little kancils, little kancils, please let me in! I am old and weary and this is not the way for a good wolf like me to die."

This time in response, the pigs sang solidarity songs and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations. They also hung banners (written in proper English) to express their outrage.


By now the wolf was getting angry at the kancils' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods. The three little kancils rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the corpse of the wolf.

Their next step was to liberate their homeland from this idiotic Mr. Wolfy Wolf and his band of bandit wolves who did not even bother to disguise themselves with sheep's clothing!

They gathered together a band of other kancils who had been forced off their lands the same way that Mr. Wolfy Wolf had launched his assault on them. This new brigade of heroic kancils attacked the resort complex Terminator-style with the latest artillery sponsored by Steven Spileberg and other wealthy kancils living in richer and more peaceful lands from afar. Their wonderful machine-guns and rocket launchers annihilated the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the kancils set up a model democractic tropical jungle with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone.

* This IS a fairy tale after all.:-)

Please note: The wolf and kancils in this story is a metaphorical construct. No actual wolves or kancils were harmed in the writing of the story. Any resemblance to any living creature big or small, dead or alive or yet to be born is a pure coincidence. :-) This is a work of humour, satire and parody. That means the statements and information contained in these pages are by no means fact, and are offered solely as comedy material or as individual opinion.

Do leave a comment for I would love to hear your views. Thanks! Have a nice day!

In response to an article in Malaysiakini on Pakatan Will Prevail - With or Without Me, Malaysiakini featured an article that showcased comments to support the premise that If Anwar jailed, even more will vote Pakatan. Those two articles clearly show that whatever attempts to martyr DSAI will lead to a paradoxical Catch 22 Situation .



Jailing DSAI could possibly:

• reinforce the notion that DSAI is being demonized because he is perceived as a serious threat to the status quo
• help PR to gain more support - most vital at this stage as its prestige has been affected by the poor publicity caused by the resignation of Datuk Zahrain and the bad blood between the Kulim MP Zulkifli Nordin and PKR
• create a backlash against the status quo in the next GE as more outraged voters could possibly vote PR in protest
• affirm the notion that the status quo need damage control because possibly some of the accusations and recent damning revelations might have dented BN's prestige and credibility
• convince the rakyat that the status quo have no wish for any form of reform whatsoever - be it politically, socially, economically etc. and are ready to stem out any source of dissension or attempt to unseat the status quo thereby causing some to conclude that the alleged rot could have truly gone to the core in a irreversible manner
• raise DSAI's political prestige which augurs well for PR. We all know no one is perfect, including DSAI. Most are aware of his limitations and strengths. While some may focus on his strengths, others capitalize on his weaknesses and play these up to the max for their own advancement. Any move to jail him would possibly raise protests on an international scale and of course, locally. Such negative publicity would affect our country's reputation negatively while that of DSAI would be elevated to that of a martyr.

So are the forces that be ready to take the risk of such challenges and more?

Not jailing DSAI could possibly:

• exterminate the DSAI threat and possibly dent PR but at what cost?
• reinforce the notion of some that he was scapegoated for some to achieve their agenda
• lead to many questions about the credibility of certain institutions or characters etc - you know what I mean and I am sure you understand that I cannot discuss this due to the ongoing case
• etc etc etc
  

As such, either way, BN will lose out - at least that is what I feel, although I could be wrong.

So is it worth it to martyr the man? Is BN ready to face the consequences of martyring DSAI? Consider what happened when Che Guevara was martyred. If you are unfamiliar with the circumstances, allow me to refer you to an excellent article which has been widely reposted all over the net called The Martyring of Che Guevara by Robert Scheer.

Excerpt from the article:

It also turned out that killing Che was a big mistake, as his message was spread more effectively by his execution than by his guerrilla activities, which were, after he left Cuba, quite pathetic. This is the case in Latin America, where political leaders he helped inspire are faring better than those coddled by the CIA. Daniel Ortega, whom the CIA worked so doggedly to overthrow, is the elected president of Nicaragua. Almost all of Latin America's leaders are leftists, some more moderate (as in Brazil), and others as fiery as Che (in Venezuela), but all determinedly independent of yanqui control. Fortunately, they differ from Che in preferring the ballot to the gun. But all recognize that poverty remains the region's No. 1 problem and that the free-market model imposed by the United States hardly contains all the answers. Recall that the U.S. break with the Cuban revolution came before the Castro's turn toward the Soviets, and that it was over his nationalization of American-owned business assets in Cuba ranging from Mafia-run casinos to the electric power grid.

These days, few politicians in the United States even seem to care about the subversive Cuban influences in our own backyard that once haunted them. The embargo on Cuba remains to mollify Florida's aging Cuban community, but the prize is Mideast oil, not protecting the peasants of Bolivia from the likes of Che Guevara. On Monday, Che's death was marked, in the Bolivian village where he was killed, by Bolivian President Evo Morales, who proclaimed his movement "100 percent Guevarist and socialist," which hardly registers as a propaganda success story for those favoring CIA assassinations. They turned a failed - and flawed - guerrilla fighter into an enduring symbol of resistance to oppression.

Will martyring DSAI turn him into a similar symbol? Food for thought.

Some of you who have been reading my blog for some time would have concluded that I am quite a madcap as can be seen by the diversity of my writings. If you have not reached that conclusion yet, I am sure you will by the time you finish reading this post. Anyway, I hope this post will give you a jump start to the week. You are most welcome to send in your responses/comments to any of the questions listed below. I do miss setting exam questions and marking scripts!!! :-)

A special surprise awaits the reader/s who submits the most creative answer. I wish my teachers gave me such questions for exams!!! For the record, I never set such questions when I was lecturing!! :-) This was posted just for fun! Have a good laugh and a great week!
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Sexism Studies Exam

Time allowed 3 hrs.

Attempt any ONE question from Section A or Section B and leave it in the comment page or if you suffer from verbal diarrhoea, kindly email your response to mwsunplugged.blogspot.com

Section A

1. Explain why the best women's football team in the world wouldn't stand a chance against you and your mates. Include in your answer:

a) Why they kick the ball like spastics and catch crocodile style

b) How you would train them once you beat them in a game.

2. Silicon jobs are plastic but look good in photographs. Explain the merits and demerits of silicon jobs as creatively and as humorously as possible.

a) Compare and contrast the way men and women use the bathroom.

3. Women drivers. Discuss.

Section B

1. Describe an experiment to impress a girl by lighting a fart.

a)What apparatus would you require?
b)What risks would you run in lighting a fart and what are the benefits?
c)Write a balanced chemical equation to describe the reaction that takes place when an eggy fart is lit in a pub with a match.

2. Name something a woman has invented.

3. On average, women live 7 years longer than men yet get their pension 5 years earlier. Explain why this isn't fair, making reference to your lazy old granny who lived to be 100 and your poor grandad who worked 52 years down the pit and died the day before he retired.

4. Argue heatedly over the respective merits of the Lamborghini Diablo and the Ferrari Testarossa without ever having seen, let alone driven,either.

5. Discuss the philosophical implications of this statement: "If a man speaks in a forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?"

Deadline: 11.59p.m., February 22nd, 2010

Remember that you can leave your answer in the comment box or email to mwsunplugged@gmail.com
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This one is specially dedicated to Cat-in-Sydney :-).

A Cat's Guide - Training Your Human


1. CHAIRS AND RUGS:

If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.

2. DOORS:

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.

After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.

3. GUESTS:

Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap.If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath.

For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing.

For the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.

When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "But you always allow me on the table when company isn't here."

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn't necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

4. WORK:

If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. Following are the rules for hampering:

A. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can't be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled.

B. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human's eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it is a news paper, claw at it until shredded. Your human will appreciate a home-made toy!

C. For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter and pretend to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles or split yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap ball of yarn. Remember, the aim is to hamper work.

5. PLAY:

It is important. Get enough sleep in the day time so you are fresh for playing catch mouse or king-o-the-hill on their bed between 2am and 4am.

MOST IMPORTANT: Begin people training early. You will then have a smooth- running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
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Please leave a comment if you wish to share your thoughts. I always enjoy reading and responding to your comments. Thanks and have a great week.