masterwordsmith-unplugged

* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

* It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it

* Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

* No one is listening until you make a mistake.

* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

* If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

* If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

* If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

* Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

* If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

* Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

* Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

* Don't squat with your spurs on.

* Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

* Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* A closed mouth gathers no foot.

* Duct tape is like "The Force," it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

* There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

* Never miss a good chance to shut up.

* Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

* Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

-Author Unknown-