Jokes About the Missus

Posted by Unknown On Sunday, July 17, 2011 1 comments
Thanks to TO who just sent me this list. Forgetful me cannot remember if I have posted these before. Still, hope it makes you smile lots :-). Enjoy the rest of the evening. Next post will be up in a while. Cheers!

April and I were lying in bed the other day.

My hands were slowly finding their way across her body.

I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world."

She whispered back, "I'll miss you."




______________________


My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman

----------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

----------------------------------------------------------
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle

----------------------------------------------------------
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-George Burns

----------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
-Henny Youngman

----------------------------------------------------------
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-Phyllis Diller

----------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman

----------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

----------------------------------------------------------
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
---------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
---------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

----------------------------------------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

----------------------------------------------------------
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

----------------------------------------------------------
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

----------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

----------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

----------------------------------------------------------
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

----------------------------------------------------------
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."
---------------------------------------------------------
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,

----------------------------------------------------------
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

----------------------------------------------------------
A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"
--------------------------------------------------------
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

----------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

----------------------------------------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
---------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

----------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
---------------------------------------------------------
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

----------------------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
---------------------------------------------------------
I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father,
I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

----------------------------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

----------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie.

The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

----------------------------------------------------------
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

----------------------------------------------------------
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

---------------------------------l-------------------------
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
---------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

1 comments to Jokes About the Missus

  1. says:

    ahoo The journey of a thousand mile begins with the first step.

    The journey of a married life just begins after you'd been married for over 25 years. Why is that so ?

    Well, wifey managed to get me sign up for a marriage course, supposingly to add more sparks (the right kind) into a marriage that will last a lifetime.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
.