masterwordsmith-unplugged

Fellow 1 : "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too."

Fellow 2 : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"

Fellow 1 : "A judge told him."



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At 82 years old, my husband applied for his first passport.

He was told he'd need a birth certificate, but his birth had never been officially registered.

When he explained his dilemma to the passport agent, the response was less than helpful.

"In lieu of a birth certificate," the agent said, "you can bring a notarized affidavit from the doctor who delivered you."
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My nieces Jessica, age five, and Stephanie, age three, were chatting with their mom when Stephanie asked, "Mommy, does God really make rainbows?"

"Of course he does," my sister replied. Jessica nudged Stephanie and explained,

"Only God has such big crayons."
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One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
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A elderly gentleman was strolling through a quiet residential neighborhood when he came upon a little boy sitting on the curb, crying. "What's the trouble, son?" he asked. "Are you lost?"

"Worse than that," the youngster sobbed. "Mom lost her book on child rearing and now she's using her own judgment!"
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THE NUNS at a small suburban convent were happy to learn that an anonymous donor had left each of them $50 in cash to give away as she saw fit. Each nun announced how she would share her bequest.

Sister Catherine Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw. As she said this, she looked out the window and saw a man leaning against the telephone pole across the street. He certainly looked poor.
She immediately left the convent and walked toward the man, feeling sure that he had been sent by Heaven to receive her charity. Pressing the $50 into the man's hands, the kind sister said, "Godspeed, my good man."

As she left, the man called out to her, "What is your name?" Shyly, she replied, "Sister Catherine Ann."

The following evening, the man returned to the convent and rang the bell. "I'd like to see Sister Catherine Ann," he said.
The nun at the door answered, "I'm sorry, but she's in the chapel. May I give her a message?""Yes," said the man gleefully."

"Give her this $100 and tell her that Godspeed came in second at the horse race!"

-Author Unknown-

*Thanks to SKT who sent me this list of jokes. Have a nice day!