Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
.Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Jesus loves you! It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
Jesus is coming! Look Busy.
My Wild Oats Have turned to Shredded Wheat!
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
2 comments to Witty One-Liners Again
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Unknown Hi Philip!
Many thanks for sharing this. I am so sorry for this late response as I have been so busy with chores. It is only today (Sunday) that I can take my time to respond to comments.
Thank you for this list that certainly resonates with the post.
Take care and have a great week ahead. Do keep in touch!
Cheers!
Philip Ho 1) Never trust someone who hides their relationship status on Facebook.
2) Breaking a mirror and getting cursed for 7 years isn't that bad compared to breaking a condom.
3) The best makeup a girl can have is to buy drinks for the guys until they are drunk.
4) Sitting on the couch in the same position for hours while watching TV is called Layzee Yoga.
5) Warning: If you don't smoke or drink, one day all your friends will die one by one and you will be left all alone.
6) Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
7) I refuse to go bungee jumping, I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one.
8) If it weren't for law enforcement, physics and superheroes, I'd be unstoppable!
9) All mothers have intuition. Great mothers subscribe to friendfinder.
10)Duct Tape = Your cheap and effective solution to noise pollution, one mouth at a time.
Have a nice day :)