Face to Face With...

Posted by M ws On Monday, December 12, 2011 4 comments
I cried buckets today. I really did. Even when writing this, I am holding back the tears. Today, I received news that my girlfriend, who recently discovered she has Stage 4B duodenum cancer, is now suffering from kidney failure. :-(

Just last Monday, her three children whom I had taught for many years, came to visit me together with their aunt. Then, we discussed the possible steps to take in case her condition deteriorated. That morning, my friend could no longer stand or walk and needed wheelchair support.

I cannot believe that in a matter of seven days, things have taken a turn for the worst. I could never understand why my dad was so upset when one of his cohorts passed on. Now I do. I have, of late, come face to face with my own mortality.

The past week, I have been chatting as usual with Angela via Skype and with my girlfriend Linda who hails from Singapore via Facebook chat.

I told both of them that I would be devastated if they died before I did. We all concurred that in the event that one of us died, we would not attend the other's funeral. It would just be too heartbreaking.

Linda and I have been taking turns to cry. That is good. Cos if we both cried at the same time, who would console us? Our husbands already think we are both mad. :-(

Last night, it was Linda who was feeling upset and I tried to lift up her spirits. And this afternoon, it was my turn and like the angel she was born to be, she tried to cheer me up with the most bizarre statements such as "Go talk to your IT guy." :-)

Somehow, the thought of our dear friend succumbing to the big C is just too much for us. We had both seen the kids grow up, gone through good and bad times together and had been there for one another throughout the past 18 years or so.

It is so heartbreaking.


But I am glad the pastor went to visit her in the High Dependency Unit this afternoon. I pray that she will not have to go through pain and that there can be, God willing, a miraculous recovery!

I am sure everyone of you out there had to go through the pain of losing someone.

It hurts.

It really does.

I took seven months to recover from my dad's demise and decades to get over my mom's death.

More than ever before, I have come to value every second of my life and my loved ones.

I cannot imagine my life without my loved ones. And weak as I am, I really hope I will be the first to go.

To carry on living without the one/s we love so much is, to me, MOST unbearable.


So my dear readers, take time to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you...

Just in case tomorrow never comes....

Take care and have a restful evening.


4 comments to Face to Face With...

  1. says:

    walla I know no words i write now will change the condition of your friend or comfort you.

    But this i can say:

    each of us - anywhere in the world and at any time in the history of mankind - has our own cups of grief and joy.

    Sometimes one cup will overflow while the other looks on.

    When we stop for a second to ponder that both are inherently present at the same time but only one will come forth at any moment, it is hard not to reach the inevitable conclusion that every beginning mandates its own ending, and similarly, every ending will lead to another beginning.

    The unremitting pain and downturns that your friend is going through has drawn out your love, compassion and pity for her and her loved ones that you are now sharing with all of us.

    May that, then, be the beginning of something which will bond us to all who are facing life-threatening ordeals.

    As i write this, i remember the heartbreaking moment some thirty years ago when i saw and heard a young woman crying her heart out at the mortuary of the general hospital here.

    I am mindful that pain and suffering cannot really dignify life. They are just the price some pay more than others for living. However, that it all seems so unfair only increases the pain we feel for others.

    Mortality? It is connected to time. Coincidentally a while ago, i was standing at exactly the same spot some eleven years back when i had sensed it was going to be the first of many bleak December's. How time has since flown but yet its bleak condition has stood still. Perhaps, a personally poignant paradox about the human condition.

    If i can debit my life now and credit your friend's to be well again, i will do it as i write this.

  1. says:

    UP41 For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night... Psalm,Bible.

    One side of us is mortal and fresh but our spirit is always the alpha and the omega.......

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Walla

    My grateful thanks to you for a very beautifully written response that exudes so much wisdom and lessons for life. Thank you for being such a compassionate and sensitive soul. I will always treasure this comment which has touched me beyond words.

    Take care and God bless you with good health, joy untold and all that you have always wanted.

    Warmest regards

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear UP41

    Thank you for your comment that reminds me of the spiritual aspect of the situation.

    She passed away yesterday at 12.15p.m.

    Take care and God bless you and your family with good health, happiness and prosperity.

    Warmest regards

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