" A few years later when I was a grown up, I met someone who touched a deeper place in my heart and it was one of those moments when you realize that love at first sight is possible..."
Evergreen - lyrics by Paul Williams
Love soft as an easy chair
Love fresh as the morning air
One love that is shared by two
I have found with you
Like a rose under the April snow
I was always certain love would grow
Love ageless and evergreen
seldom seen by two
You and I will make each night a first
every day a beginning
Spirits rise and their dance is unrehearsed
They warm and excite us
'cause we have the brightest love
Two lives that shine as one
morning glory and midnight sun
Time we've learned to sail above
Time won't change the meaning of one love
ageless and ever evergreen
What is this elusive thing called 'love'?
For the greater part of my life as an educator, I have counselled many teenagers and young adults about boy-girl relationships and many have asked me how to know when it is the 'right' one.
My answer: You just know. Just as you will know when it is NOT the right one. A bit simplistic but to me, it is true.
I cannot deny that I grew up reading fairy tale romances such as Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella etc and whilst I do not subscribe to those sexist stereotypes that a woman needs a man to make her complete and all that jazz, I strongly believe that somewhere out there is someone meant for each one of us.
And when you meet that someone, you just know. Yes, I am one of those who saw stars, fireworks and my legs turned to jelly, heart throbbed at an earth-shattering speed and went all giddy and lovey-dovey from henceforth.
The initial stage would be heavenly and in time, things may not roll out as smoothly. When the crunch comes, a love that lasts will see the couple walking down the aisle to exchange vows that would bind them for life till death do them part.
BUT
The greatest tragedy of life is when one meets that someone, and then in a moment of uncertainty or by a cruel twist of fate of destiny, loses that someone either in a tiff/misunderstanding/parental objection/peer influence etc or walks away etc and then marries someone else either on the rebound or because of poor judgement or thought he/she was making the right decision then. Even if it was love at first sight, it was likely a love that was not strong enough to withstand the challenges faced.
However, I am not saying that one could not be happy with that decision.
Happiness is a state of mind, I believe. It is a choice that we make to will ourselves to be happy by making rational choices. However, far above all that, the fact remains that had we married that special someone, things might (not would) have turned out more beautifully. So, each of us is responsible for the choices we make in our lives.
Regardless of our circumstances, it is our individual responsibility to make the best of our decision,to love,cherish and to nurture the one with whom we have chosen to share our lives.
At the same time, I have also come across some who have never fallen in love before and married out of obligation or a host of other reasons. They often ask me, "What is it like to fall in love? How does it feel? How do you know?" etc etc. Too often, our perception of love is based on what we have been exposed to in the mass media and literature or even words.
Some of my friends/relatives in match-made marriages are in marital bliss because in time, they learnt to love that someone and eventually fell in love with their spouses. Amazingly, some of these people I know are so loving even in their old age!!! That is the power of love for you.
One cannot deny that along the road of life, sometimes one may come across someone who has a strong magnetic pull that comes with shared interests or inclinations. It is up to each individual to step on the brakes to prevent any untoward incidents and to transform that into a friendship that lasts and built on a platform of shared values or ethics. No disclosure is encouraged and yet, one just knows in unspoken words or even in the absence of body language. Much as one may run away, the fact is there. The attraction and magnetism.
However, I firmly believe that if one really loves....one will not have eyes or the heart for anyone else. That is because the acres of one's heart have been devoted to the love of his/her life.
In other words, no matter how strong the magnetism, nothing will happen because fulfilment has been found in the love of his/her life and there is no space for anyone else regardless of the strength of that magnetism or attraction. Or, it could be that both parties consciously will themselves not to stoke the fire!
Yet, one is human and prone to failings. In a moment of weakness, one may buckle and a Freudian slip here and there or when both lock glances across the room or the look in one's eyes or the tone of voice could reveal far more than what was intended. And that is the time to step on the brakes, failing which it could ignite something dangerous.
And perhaps, the lack of will-power or self control or even the need for validation as a man/woman could propel the start of an affair. And what is done cannot be undone.
Having counselled so many from various backgrounds, I can attest to the fact that any broken marriage has long-lasting consequences on the partners but more so on the children and their individual marital status in years to come.
In closing, I just wish to say that yes, one can fall in love at first sight, swoon at the sight or knowledge of one who takes our breath away but at the end of the day - rational and responsible choices are vital in maintaining stability in one's marriage and family. A love that lasts need not be one tailored to story-book romances. He need not be the type to bring you roses or to whisper sweet nothings into your ear. But, a love that lasts is one who loves regardless of whether you are fat or thin, hairy or bald, beautiful or wrinkled...simply put - a love that endures in all circumstances!
But is it that easy?
What are your views and or observations, dear readers?
chong y l Dear masterwordsmith: I am "stealing" your l'vly post to post up at midnight voices; hope you are complomented while I complement this 6th day --I thought it was Yesterday, when all my troubles seemed so far away! -- with one of my olde posts first published at an East Msian paper.
Cordially invite thee (and your ER too) to visit; here follows just the entree~~:)
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And now, on the s'xth day of CNY, here's some memory/ies recalled by Desi and several esteemedreaders wit' their heartfool feedback from the early years:)
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Love Is a Many-Splendour’d Thing
Desiderata.english
Love is a common theme of poets and playrights, and why not? This many-splendour’d thing called “love” is a constant companion in our daily lives, from our Birth nursed on Mother’s love, through teenage innocent “first love” experience, then later to the more complicated and convoluted affairs of adults -- involving lovers’ quarrels, triangular fistfights, consuming forbidden fruits and being consumed by their aftermath, often led the green-eyed monster to tragedy and Death.