Funny Mid-Week Humor

Posted by M ws On Tuesday, March 6, 2012 0 comments
Let me tell ya ... some of these scandalous folks have the most ironic names!!

Years ago there was a guy named Michael Milken ... well, he was milking' everybody for everything they were worth!!

Then came Bernie Madoff ... well, he made off with everybody’s money!!
Now ya got this guy named Anthony Weiner ... need I say more???

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A man is throwing knives on wife's photo... and kept missing the target!

Suddenly his phone ring and his wife says; “Hi, what are you doing?"

"Missing you," was his honest reply.

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Getting ready to go to the golf club with his grandfather, the young boy was looking around the trunk of the new BMW. “What’re these?” he asked, pulling a small sack from the golf bag after his grandfather had loaded his clubs.

“Those are tees,” the old man said. “You put your balls in them when you drive.”

“Golly,” the boy said, “those BMW people think of everything, don’t they?”

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A man living in a nudist camp gets a letter from his mother requesting that he send her a photo of himself. Unfortunately, the only pictures he has are ones in which he is wearing no clothes. So he cuts a snapshot in half, and then sends the photo showing him from the waist up to his mother. His mother is so pleased with the picture that she asks him to send one to his grandmother.

The man thinks to himself, “Grandma’s eyesight is so bad these days; I’ll send her the bottom half.”

A week later he receives a letter from his grandmother. In the letter she writes, “I liked your picture, but your new hairstyle makes your nose look too long.”

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A man goes to the doctor and tells him, “Doc, I’m having a really hard time controlling my bladder. The doctor says, Get off my new carpet Now!”
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man is walking down the street, when a bum comes up to him and asks for a dollar. Being in generous mood, the man pulls out a ten-dollar bill.

As he hands it to the bum, he says, “You are not going to use this for booze, are you? “I never drink,” replied the bum solemnly.

“I hope you’re not going to use it for gambling,” says the man. “I never gamble,” the bum replies in earnest. “Say,” says the man, “would you mind coming home with me? I would really like for my wife to meet you.”

“Me?” says the surprised bum. “Why me?” “Well,” the man explains. “I would like to show my wife what happens to a man who never drinks or gambles.”

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A man banged his shin on the bedpost on his way back from the bathroom, waking his wife. After apologizing, he complained, "Why is it I always have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee?"

She mumbled as she readjusted the blankets, "I guess that's why they call it the wee hours."

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Three friends while touring Dubai happened to stumble into a harem tent filled with more than fifty beautiful women. The guys start getting friendly with these exotic girls, when suddenly the sheik comes in.

In a furious tone he says “I am the master of these women. No one can touch them but me. You three men must pay for what you have done, and will be punished in a way that corresponds to your profession.” With that, the sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. “I’m a cop,” the man says.

“Then we will shoot your penis off!” says the sheik. He then turns to the second man and asks him what he does for a living.
“I’m a fireman,” says the second man. “Then we will burn your penis off!” says the sheik.

Finally, he asks the third man, “And you, what do you do for a living?” With a sly grin, the man says, “I’m a lollipop salesman!”

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