Always In My Heart

Posted by M ws On Sunday, March 4, 2012 2 comments
Personally, I treasure friendship and believe one must make an effort to keep friendships strong unless the other party retreats for whatever reasons known to them. Yet, I do not think of them unkindly but instead, treasure the moments shared in the past and still keep a place in my heart for those individuals. If ties are renewed, good. If not, still I would remember them fondly and not think the worst of them.

I have had a few painful experiences in my life on those rare occasions when I did open up to certain individuals. Contrary to what some may think, I am not an extrovert. It is VERY difficult for me to open up to people to reveal who I am. Few in this world really know me. It is different when blogging because behind the computer screen, I am just words to the reader. However, those who have read my blog long enough would be able to understand what sort of person I am.

Having being hurt many times in the past, I have been very cautious in developing friendships with people. There are acquaintances, friends and then there are true friends. And it is utterly painful when after a period of time when the friendship has developed, due to some misunderstanding the cord is broken.

In the last three years during my 'hibernation' period whereby I have been most hesitant in opening up to people, meeting people or even going for public meetings, it has happened to me three times. Looking back, I do admit even though it still hurts, I miss them. :-( I miss the connection, the exchange and the times shared.

It is too painful to talk about it but the hurt, pain and disappointment will always be there. Yet, the memories of the times shared, exchange of ideas etc will always be there. Sometimes, one cannot explain the chemistry in a friendship when two persons can just talk and talk for hours over a variety of topics and be able to relate with each other in ways that we cannot with others.

On one occasion, we actually talked for seven hours and I kid you not. On another occasion, we talked for five hours non-stop. And one stupid question related to membership was all it took for that person to withdraw and the cold wall was slowly built. I did apologise and tried to mend the walls but alas, due to differences in perspectives, that person shut out not just me, but the rest of us. It has been two years since we last spoke. The last conversation was in December 2009 during which every single response given was 'No', 'No' and 'No'. I never called again. We all do not know the reason for the withdrawal but I hope one day, there will be some form of reconciliation. I never sent that person the poem I wrote about our friendship. :-(

The second person is someone whom I have never met in the real world. All I knew was the pseudonym and that person wrote to me and encouraged me during the worst times of my life. I don't think I would have survived without the support, advice, wisdom and even scientific knowledge breathed into my life then. One day, out of the blue, I received an email saying that the whole family was migrating and that was it. For the last two years, I still send emails to touch base but alas, no response. Still, I will be forever grateful for the connection and will always treasure all the emails shared.

I wrote the following poem and sent it to that mysterious person who was such a pillar of strength for a year. I always wondered if the two were the same person. I guess I will never know.


Like a cool summer's breeze you drifted one day into my life,
In the midst of all my anguish, pain, tears and strife.

From then till now I know not your identity,
Who you are remains a baffling mystery.

Trying relentlessly to discover your name,
Has been such an endless puzzling game.

How I wish had your telephone number,
I'd call you instead of writing this in my state of slumber.

Through the months your mails have breathed into me,
Hope, Faith and Confidence into this worrisome lady.

There were times when thoughts of you filled me with fear,
And yet strangely, it's with you I shared my fears and tears.

Then, suspicion had clouded my complex and perplexed mind,
For I did not realize your sincerity till later as I was blind.

And then one day when the clouds finally drifted away,
In my heart I hope you'll be a friend who'll stay.

The path to self-discovery has truly not been easy,
It has been one wrought with so much pain and misery.

From a mystery to an enigma and now a faceless friend,
I know I can share with you my deepest feelings and rant.

So much value and kindness you have added to my life,
Without your friendship and support, I doubt I would have survived.

If ever you choose to exit from my life,
I want you to know, that disappointment I'll never survive.

I cannot understand the 'how and why' of this connection,
I hope one day, you will provide a clear revelation.

And so in this simple rhyme of mine,
I wish you love, happiness and joy sublime.

A lifetime of sharing, caring and a friendship with you,
Is all I ask and hope from you.

~written by Masterwordsmith~
26th February 2009

I still read those emails shared with those lost friends now and then. It hurts, even now. I will never know why but I guess they were my friends for a reason, for a season. Just when I thought I would never open up to any other person, this person came along and the connection has been a slow one and we could exchange much thoughts and perspectives but just when I could develop trust and thought I had found a good friend, changes came like the British weather. Sometimes the sun blazed brightly and suddenly, winter strikes. Enough said. Too painful. All three experiences hurt in different ways and intensity.

I think the most hurtful part of any friendship is silence. Whatever it is, it takes both parties to maintain a friendship and I pray for the day when things will be normal again. I leave the door open for that day to come because I believe for true friends, we can just pick up from where we left off. Even if that day does not come, they will always have a place in my heart. And yes, I do miss them. Very much. Regardless, I am thankful for those friends who have been with me through the years, through thick and thin, .

Anyway, pardon the midnight rants of a sentimental old lady...Here's a video of the famous poem below. You can watch it AT THIS LINK.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.


And if any one of them is reading this post, THIS SONG IS FOR YOU.

2 comments to Always In My Heart

  1. says:

    Grace Beck What a coincidence. I just downloaded this song (That's what friends are for)today :)

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith This post was written in March about some friends I made in 2009. Along the way, I met other people and have written a post about my experiences here:

    I think the sentimental softie in me died this year. :-)


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