Midnight Madness

Posted by M ws On Saturday, April 21, 2012 0 comments
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."

"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

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At a jewellery store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,

"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."

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A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."

"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"

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The following part of this post is most uncharacteristic of me as it has some naughty and saucy jokes so anyone who is likely to be offended by such humor is kindly advised to leave this post. You can click either OLDER POST or NEWER POST. I am posting these for laughs at midnight on Saturday so that the younger and more *coughs* innocent ones will not see these. Do forgive me if I have offended you in any way for that is not my intention at all. Take care and have a lovely Sunday!

Thanks to Freddie who sent me this naughty one. :-)


Q: Why men walk more and women talk more?
A: Coz men have three legs and women have four l**s!


Wives r Incoming Calls
Lovers r Outgoing Calls

A man stands nude in front of a mirror and examines himself and says: 2 inches more and I'll be a king.
His wife sitting behind says 2 inches less & you'll be a queen.

Why do women wear flowered panties?
A: Cuz its their way of saying, 'In memory of those who were bu**ed here!

Three guys were introduced 2 a girl:
hi I'm Peter not a saint,
hi I'm Paul not a pope,
I'm John not a baptist,
the girl said hi I'm MARY not a v**gin!

Wife asked her husband how many women he had slept with.
Husband proudly replies, only you darling. With the others, I was awake!!!










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