Best of the Bard's Insults

Posted by M ws On Monday, June 11, 2012 1 comments
When I was in primary school, I remember looking up the thesaurus to learn new words so that I could have an edge over others during squabbles in school. I remember learning words such as 'nincom****, mor*n, numbsk*ll, f**head, bonehead, buffoon, ignaramus idiot (cos idiot was not forceful enough), simpleton and other descriptors.

It was pretty funny then cos during arguments, a string of insults would be forcefully expelled after which we would be making copious notes and trying to do more 'research' to expand our *cough* vocabulary. There were no vulgarities used - strictly unusual words in the English language!

By the time I was in Form 5, we shuddered in silence for our history teacher was the fiercest and most intimidating teacher we had ever had. Even so, many loved her. I remember taking notes of the phrases she used to scold us and if I mentioned any of them, I am sure many out there would immediately know her identity. If it had happened in the 21st century, oh - I can imagine the brouhaha which would have erupted. Another class had a very witty Maths teacher, whose wife was my House mistress. Twenty years later, we became colleagues!

Anyway, I have been very busy helping my friend's son for his A-level literature papers and have been poring over King Henry IV Part 1, Hamlet, Hard Times, A Street Car Named Desire, A Passage to India and poems after poem. For a welcome change to de-stress, I thought I'd share with you a selection of some of the best insults that Shakespeare wrote in his plays! Enjoy...Who knows - these might come in handy one day :-)

Have a lovely evening!

The Bard's Best Insults






  • Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death
  • Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat
  • No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out contries in her
  • Thou lump of foul deformity
  • Thou unfit for any place but hell
  • He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not, the ape is dead
  • You kiss by the book
  • Why he's a man of wax
  • You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so
  • Whose horrible image doth unfix my hair and make my seated heart knock at my ribs
  • You egg, you fry of treachery
  • Fit to govern, No, not to live
  • I had rather be a toad, and live upon the vapour of a dungeon, than keep a corner in the thing I love for others uses
  • Damn her, lewd minx
  • You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness
  • I do not like your look, I promise thee
  • You Banbury cheese
  • King Urinal
  • She's a great lubbery boy
  • Thou disease of a friend.
  • It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice.
  • Your means are very slender, and your waste is great.
  • You are as a candle, the better part burnt out.
  • I think he be transformed into a beast; for I can nowhere find him like a man.
  •  Away!, Thou art poison to my blood 
  • As I told you always, her beauty and her brain go not together. 
  • I'll pray a thousand prayers for your death.
  • Come, you are a tedious fool!

1 comments to Best of the Bard's Insults

  1. says:

    cin2tan When me in the Remove class (1958):
    English teacher asked the others how old their fathers were THEN suddenly
    he asked me : 'how many fathers u have ?'
    " 45 !!" ....@#$%^&* !

    My SC results in 1964 : G maths (A1),
    Add maths (C3) ....Eng (p8)...damn !!

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