Gas Problems?

Posted by M ws On Monday, July 16, 2012 1 comments
Gas Problems

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

"Doctor I have this terrible problem with gas, I can't seem to stop farting. They never smell and are always silent but it's still a problem all the same. Believe it or not I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts stink terribly!"

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

WHEN YOU SHOULD NEVER FART:
1. Inside a crowded Lift.
2. Inside a public library.
3. On a crowded train.
4. Whilst giving a speech.
5. In Church.
6. Whilst on a date.
7. In a packed lecture theatre.
8. In your office.
9. At a cinema.
10. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while
11. In a ticket line.
13. On an airplane.
14. During confession
15. In the bed, whilst feeling frisky.
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky
17. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation

WHEN TO FART:
1. Bosses office as you are about to leave. - best to make sure it's silent but violent.
2. In a bathroom.
3. In the cashiers line - it's bound to speed things up.
4. The empty elevator before you get off.
5. Beside an occupied dressing room - no doubt it'll quickly become unnocupied.
6. Your co-workers cubicle at the office.
7. When deep sea diving.
8. Back seat of the Police Mobile after being arrested.
9. In your car if you've been carjacked.
10. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors.

1 comments to Gas Problems?

  1. says:

    CLY My dad used to say, "Smelly farts are silent, Noisy farts aren't smelly." The silent ones are the killer. Quietly released, it stun the victims before they can escape. Best of all, one can pretend to be innocent, pointing your finger to others. You can get literally get away with murder, if your silent fart can kill.

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