masterwordsmith-unplugged

Thanks to Angela who sent me this *coughs* joke. It is a tad outrageous but since it is a long weekend...what the heck..I am posting it for the sake of humour. My apologies if this offends anyone for that was not my intention at all.

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To My Dear Wife,

During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed often.

Your responses -



1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times

2. It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times

3. Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . . . 49 times

4. It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times

5. It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times

6. Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times

7. The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . .3 times

8. Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes

9. Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 times

10. Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 times

11. Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 times

12. You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . 17 times

13. Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 6 times

14. New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 times

15. Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 times

16. Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times

17. Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 times

Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because twice you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, twice I had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.


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To My Dear Husband,

I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.....

1. Came home drunk & tried to attack the cat. . . . . 15 x

2. Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . .36 times

3. Did not c*m. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 times

4. Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times

5. Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . 33 times

6. Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times

7. Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times

8. Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . 29 times

9. Had a fight & someone kicked you in the balls. . 2 times

10. Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . .4 times

11. Caught a cold & your nose kept running ...3 times

12. Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . . .3 times

13. You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . . 2 times

14. Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book. . .16 times

15. Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 times

16. Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times

Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you were screwing the sheets. I didn't say anything about a crack in the ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling.

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe!!

Have a lovely evening!! :-)