masterwordsmith-unplugged

A wife goes to the local market to buy some organic vegetables for her husbands. She came back rather upset.

When her husband asked her what was wrong, she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for organic vegetables and I couldn't find any. So I asked him, 'Where the organic Vegetables were?' He didn't know what I was talking about so I said, 'These vegetables are for my husbands. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?

And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself'."

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When her late husband's will was read, a widow learnt he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman.

Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone.

"Sorry, lady," said the stone cutter. "I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now."

"Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, 'Until We Meet Again'."
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A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

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In a small country town, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.

Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't get mad when I yell at them."

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A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight.

She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.

The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone.

The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.

Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out.

She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"
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The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband.

"I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me."

"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away."

"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it."

He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?"

"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"