Best Halloween Humour

Posted by M ws On Wednesday, October 31, 2012 0 comments

1. Q - What is a vampire's least favorite meal?
A - Stake !!
2. Q - What do vampires enjoy most about baseball?
A - The bats (and the double-headers)

3. Q - What kind of toothpaste do vampires buy?
A - Ultra-Bite.

4. Q - What does a monster wear when it rains?
A - His ghoul-oshes.

5. Q - How did the monster predict his future?
A - With a horror-scope.

6. Q - What did the monster do when he lost his hand?
A - He went to a second hand store.

7. Q - Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the road?
A - Because he didn't have any guts.

8. Q - What are a spook's two favorite rides at the fair?
A - The roller ghoster and the merry ghoul round.

9. Q - What happened to the vampire who tried to gain weight by eating more?
A - It didn't work... it was all in vein.

10. Q - What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A - Fangsgiving.

11. Q - What four things do monsters enjoy eating on Halloween?
A - Ghoulash and I Scream with booberry pie and ghoul-aid.

12. Q - What two famous places did the monster visit while on his vacation?
A - The Vampire State Building and Count Rushmore.

13. Q - What is in the red blood cells of monsters?
A - Hemogoblin !!!

14. Q - What spook lives in the "hundred acre wood"?
A - Winnie the Boo

15. Q - Who did the boy monster take to the Halloween dance?
A - His bootiful ghoul-friend.

16. Q - Where do ghosts keep their cars?
A - In a mirage.

17. Q - What is the hardest thing to sell to a mummy?
A - Life Insurance.

18. Q - How do you keep a skeleton from laughing?
A - Take away his funny bone!

19. Q - What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A - Neck tarines

20. Q - Why didn't the wraith win at poker?
A - He didn't have a ghost of a chance.

21. Q - What performers do vampires enjoy the most at the circus?
A - The jugulars

22. Q - What do spooks call their Navy?
A - The ghost guard.

23. Q - What do you call a mummy who eats cookies in bed?
A - A crumby mummy!

24. Q - Why do Casper's phone bills tend to be so high each month?
A - He is always calling ghost-to-ghost.

25. Q - Who was the smartest monster maker?
A - Dr. Frank Einstein

26. Q - What two types of music do mummies like best?
A - Rag time and Wrap.

27. Q - Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A - Because he had no body to take !

28. Q - What do ghosts enjoy for lunch?
A - Boologna sandwiches, peanutbooter cookies & a salad with boocheese dressing.

29. Q - What does Dracula always say to his victims afterwards?
A - "Fangs"! (thanks !)

30. Q - What flies through the night, has a black cape, and bites people?
A - A mosquito wearing a black cape.

31. Q - What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
A - "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back".

32. Q - What kind of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
A - High spirits !!!

33. Q - What do they call the heaviest female phantom?
A - The "ghostess with the mostess".

34. Q - When does a ghost need a license?
A - During "haunting" season.

35. Q - What is a vampire's favorite sport?
A - Casket Ball !!!

36. Q - What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
A - Boo Boos

37. Q - What rule does a polite little ghost always obey?
A - Don't spook until spooken to.

38. Q - What is a vampire's favorite flavor of ice cream?
A - Veinilla

39. Q - Why couldn't the mummy attend the meeting?
A - He was all tied up.

40. Q - In what room of the house would you never find a ghost?
A - The living room.

41. Q - What kind of candy won't a ghost ever touch?
A - Lifesavers

42. Q - What do ghosts say when they hear great jokes like these?
A - Booooo !!!

43. Q - Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A - They're afraid of flying off the handle.

44. Q - What kind of car do ghosts drive?
A - A "Booick" !!!

45. Q - What is a ghost's favorite type of pasta?
A - Spookgetti !!!

46. Q - Why was the student vampire tired in the morning?
A - Because he was up all night studying for his blood test!!!

47. Q - What did they call the female broom rider after she crash landed on the beach?
A - A "Sand Witch" !!!

48. Q - What time is it when ghosts haunt your house?
A - Time to get a new house!!!

49. Q - What does a witch use to keep her hair in place when she flies?
A - Scare spray!!!

50. Q - What kind of Halloween monster can clear a table full of food in only 10 seconds?
A - A Goblin!!!

51. Q - What kind of gum do ghosts like?
A - Booble gum!!!

52. Q - What do you get if you divide the circumference of your jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
A - Pumpkin Pi !!!

53. Q - How do you know a vampire is getting a cold?
A - When he starts coffin!!!

54. Q - What famous giant ghost monster battled King Kong?
A - Boodzilla!!!

55. Q - What is a vampire's favorite breed of dog?
A - Bloodhound!!!

56. Q - Why didn't Dracula ever get married?
A - He just never found the right ghoul!!!

57. Q - What do ghosts always order at McDonalds?
A - The hamboogers!!!

58. Q - Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A - Because it was the chicken's day off!!!

59. Q - What has one wheel and gets 10 miles to a gallon of plasma?
A - A vampire on a unicycle!!!

60. Q - Why did Frankenstein's monster go to a psychiatrist?
A - Because he thought one of his screws was loose!!!

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