masterwordsmith-unplugged

Damn Lucky Sheriff.....

One day, two deputies in the Sheriff's Office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death.
When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

"No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."

"You're right," the other deputy replied. "But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say 'It could have been worse.'"

"No way.  How could it be worse? There are three people in the house, and all of them have been shot to death. It couldn't be worse. You're on."

About that time, the old sheriff arrived at the scene. He walked into the bedroom and saw the two nude bodies. He then walked into the living room and saw the man on the floor with the gun by his side.

"No doubt about it," the sheriff said, shaking his head. "It was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."
After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his deputies squarely in the eyes. "But, you know," he said, "it could have been worse."

The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, "Sheriff, how could it have been any f....... worse? There are three people in this farmhouse and all three of them are dead. It couldn't have been worse!"

"Yes it could," the sheriff retorted. "You see that guy there on the floor? If he had come early home yesterday, that would be me in that bed!"

_____________________


A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full, with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long... easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William... the little devil's name is Kevin!"

_____________________


Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.


**************
Letter 1


Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.

I want a red one.

Your friend,

Bobby


**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,

So he tore up the letter and started over.
**************
Letter 2


Dear God,


This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like

A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

**************
Letter 3

Dear God,


I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

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Letter 4

God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.

I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,


Bobby


**************

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.

Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.

He looked around to see if anyone was there.

Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.


He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.


He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.


Bobby began to write his letter to God.


**************
Letter 5

God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!