Monday Morning Humour

Posted by M ws On Monday, November 12, 2012 0 comments

At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."

"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"

"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"
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She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I forgot to mention that there was a condition to your wishes- that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better."

The woman said, "That would be fine." For her first wish she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to him."

The woman replied, "That will be okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only
have eyes for me."

So, poof - she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be 10 times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay, because what is mine is his, and what is his is mine..." So, poof, she's the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
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A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.

"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney.

Tilting back in her chair, she opened her mouth to answer but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.

Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and reseated herself on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.

"Well, Doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "perhaps if we started with an easier question ..."

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A lawyer named Strange died...

..., and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative:

He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"


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