Thanks to Freddie who sent me the following jokes posted for laughs with no intention to insult/offend anyone.
Udu rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago.
"Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper.
"But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter," the shopkeeper answered politely.
"Don't fool me," replied Udu, "it is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol free' but you gave me only butter".
_________________
This happened when Udu's 4th child was born.
He fills data in the birth certificate.
Mother: Sri Lankan.
Father: Sri Lankan.
Child : Chinese.
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sri Lankan?"
Says Udu, "Ahhh... I read in the newspaper that every 4th person born on Earth now is a Chinese."
+++++++++++
Udu: Nurse, I am very eager to know my blood group.
Nurse: B positive
Udu: please tell me soon ....
Nurse: B positive
Udu: Madam, I am positive, but eager to know my blood group.
+++++++++++
Once Udu wanted to know the time difference between UK and USA .
So he called up the Tourist Board and asked them
"Could you tell me the time difference between UK & USA "
The man at the other end replies
"One second sir..." and Udu immediately replies.
"Thank you" and puts the phone down.
++++++++++
One day Udu visited a museum with a foreign visitor.
The visitor saw a big skull and asked what that was.
Udu said "that was the skull of King Sri Wick".
After a few minutes, the visitor saw another small skull of a monkey and asked Udu what that was.
Udu said," That is when the king was young !".
++++++++++
One morning, Mrs. Udu caught her husband searching high and low all around his living room.
Mrs. Udu:"What are you searching for?"
Mr. Udu: "Hidden camaras!"
Mrs. Udu: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras
here?"
Mr. Udu: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.
Every few minutes he keeps saying, "You are watching Rup channel.
How does he know that?"
++++++++++
Udu - Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Udu - If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?
++++++++++
Udu - When I die, I want to die like my grandpa, who died peacefuly in his sleep - not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving.......
++++++++++
Twins were born to Udu.
He could not sleep for the whole night.
Why????
He kept wondering who is the father of the second child !
.
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