Hilary told Janet how lucky she was not having men make unwanted advances towards her, and that she never knew where Bill's pecker was the night before.
Janet Reno remarked that just because she wasn't beautiful didn't mean that men didn't make passes at her. So Hillary asked Janet how she warded off these unwanted sexual advances and Janet told her that whenever a man made an unwanted pass at her, she mustered up the loudest, stinkiest fart she could, and that it worked every time.
Hilary thought this was a great idea and decided to use it the next time Bill got frisky.
That night, Bill was in bed before Hilary. As soon as she slipped between the covers, Bill rolled over and Hilary knew he wanted some action. She had been saving her farts all day and let out the loudest, crudest fart she could.
Bill got up on one elbow and said, "Janet, that you?"
_______________________
Yesterday
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone
hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
_________________________________
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
______________________
One day a cucumber, pickle and a pe**s were having a conversation.
The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.
The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they slice me up and put me in a salad.
The Pe**s says, "You think that your lives are tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly room, and force me to do push-ups until I puke and pass out!
_______________________
Have a nice day! :-)
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