Interesting English Bloopers from a Five-Star Hotel

Posted by M ws On Thursday, May 16, 2013 3 comments

A friend just came back from a business trip to China and shared the following information from a brochure circulated by a 5-Star Chinese Hotel. :-) Read at your own peril! Guaranteed to make you fall off your seat! Here goes....

Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

Thanks to JC for sharing this with me. Have a lovely evening, everyone!

3 comments to Interesting English Bloopers from a Five-Star Hotel

  1. says:

    Gem LOL! Thanks for making me laugh all over again *wiping tears from eyes*. Having said that, I can't help wondering if this is an imaginative composition by someone irritated to death by Chinglish. No self-respecting 5-star hotel would allow this travesty to continue; aren't they all helmed by Mat Sallehs?

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Gem


    You are most welcome. Am glad you enjoyed this as much as I did.T checked with my friend and she said she did see the brochure. Apparently, others have posted it as well so that hotel must have copied it from other hotel brochures! LOL...the humour is infectious haha.

    My apologies for this late response as I have not been well. Have had to rest a lot as the medication zonked me and was horizontal most of the time.

    Take care and God bless!

  1. says:

    Gem Good to know the source was verified. Would love to sight the original brochure though. Sorry to know you're not well.Trust the medication did its work and you'll be on you feet soon.

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