masterwordsmith-unplugged

A father takes his deaf mute son to the Godfather.....

Father: Godfather my boy is a good boy but he can't get a job because he's a deaf mute.

Godfather: I will give him a job as a bag man. He will pick up the money from my bookies and bring it back here. he doesn't have to talk to anybody. Two weeks go by and the Father is grabbed off the street brought to the

Godfathers office. His Son is sitting in a chair all beat up.

Godfather: $50,000.00 is missing, ask your Son where it is. The Father: turns to the boy and in sign language says...."What did you do? Where is the money? they are going to kill you!

Son: (in sign language) I don't know anything about the money

Father: Godfather my Son is a good boy. He says he didn't steal any money

Godfather: Pulls a gun from his drawer and lays it on the desk and says..."ask him again" The Father: (in sign language) This guy is serious, he's going to kill you! where is the money?

Son: (in sign language) I honestly dad I don't have any money

Father: Godfather my Son says he doesn't have your money, Please believe him.

Godfather: Puts the gun to the boys head, pulls the hammer back, and says..."ask him one last time" The Father: (in sign language) He's going to kill you for sure, for you mother's sake please, WHERE IS THE MONEY?

Son: (in sign language) all right, all right its in a shoe box in the attic under moms wedding dress!

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A man had recently gone through a messy divorce to his wife of 10 years. Part of the settlement was that for every dollar he made, she would get 2/3 of it. If he made $300, she would get $200 and he would get $100. So, she would always get twice as much as he did.

One day on a jog, he found a corked bottle lying on the ground, and of course, when he rubbed on it to try to clean it off, a genie came out.

'You know the drill,' said the genie.' You get three wishes, but be aware that for everything you wish for, you ex-wife gets twice as much. That was in your settlement and I am obligated to stick to that.'

'Yea, OK,' said the man.' For my first wish, I want a million dollars.'

'Done,' said the genie.' But now your wife has 2 million.'

'I know, I know...' said the man.' Now I wish for a mansion and a matching sports car in the garage.'

'Done,' said the genie.' But now your wife has a mansion twice your size and two matching sports cars in the garage.'

'I know, I know...' said the man.' Now, for my last wish, I want you to beat me half to death.'
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A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients` bedsides.When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."

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Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”

Have a restful evening!