Hopelessly Impossible New Year Resolutions

Posted by M ws On Tuesday, December 31, 2013 0 comments

  1. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL, LMAO, or ROTFLMAO!" 
  2. Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes. 
  3. I will try to figure out why I "really" need 5 facebook accounts. 
  4. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own. 
  5. Lose 20 pounds by going to the gym! 
  6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line. 
  7. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet. 
  8. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. 
  9. Spend less than $1000 for coffee at Starbucks this year. 
  10. Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine 
  11. Stop repeating myself again, and again, and again. 
  12. I will stop tagging pictures of myself in pictures even when I’m not in them 
  13. I will think of a password other than "password" 

More Practical New Years Resolutions You May Actually Keep 

Read less. I want to gain weight. 
Put on at least 30 pounds. 
I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store 
Stop exercising. 
Waste of time. 
Watch more TV. 
I've been missing some good stuff. 
Watch less T.V. in standard definition 
Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser. 
Watch more movie remakes. 
Start washing my hands after I use the restroom. 
Procrastinate more. 
I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. 
I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future. 
Drink. Drink some more. 
Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials 
Start being superstitious. 
Spend more time at work. 
Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. 

Happy New Year, everyone!

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