Posting this for laughs with no intention to insult any one in the legal line or any position.
Seriously, if I were the person they were writing to, I would definitely call them up for an interview. :-)
Have a nice day!
I'm a machine, a G***amn monster, bloodthirsty. Willing to work 180 hours a week on the stupidest, most pointless sh*t.
Do you have pleadings that need just a little "tweaking" because, despite how you act around friends and co-workers, you're actually a shi**y writer? Well, yes, I can re-write those and then eat sh*t while you take all the credit.
Got a contract that you could really handle yourself, but you'd be happier tossing off some of the actual work to a sh*t eating loser? Yes, I can turn comments on those at 2 a.m.
Got some documents that need review? I'm your fu**ing man. I'll do doc review until I'm blue in the face; I will sit there doing doc review until my prostate explodes.
Why? BECAUSE I NEED A GO**AMN JOB. Don't get me wrong: I've given up hope of ever being successful.
Law school destroyed me and destroyed my life. I'm f**ked forever, I know that. But my girlfriend will leave me if I don't get a job fast and she's the only thing I've got going in the world. Seriously, I'll be out on the fu**ing street and I won't even care. I might go live in a box or get a canoe and go out into the ocean to die of exposure.
I don't give a f**k so long as you pay me. You can be a baby-eating republican or a flag-burning democrat. I don't care.
Wilbur Fos, I would LOVE to work for your new firm. You could even be doing some freaky Saul Goodman sh*t and I wouldn't care.
Why? Because I've given up. I thought for a while that I could be an attorney and NOT be a sh*t bag, but I get it now that it's not possible.
So take a look in the mirror and, if you see a fat, soulless, life sucking, miserable, co*ksu*ker who is so miserable that you want to ruin someone else's life, send sh**ty emails and call in the middle of the night to complain about work that just has to be done in the morning, or to complain about how everything is wrong and awful and so I'll have to do it over and over, or even if you want to make fun of my sexuality/ethnicity/disability/face to make yourself feel better about your lost youth, then give me a call.